


seemingly scarlet.

by simulare



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Dominant Kylo Ren, Force-Sensitive Reader, Gay Kylo Ren ofc, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-03-01 16:04:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13298361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simulare/pseuds/simulare
Summary: Your home planet of Blucotune, the role of a farmer's son and a member of a First Order loyalist family are the only things you have ever known. However, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren seems to have other plans of where you will end up.





	1. Blue Winter Fruits.

**Author's Note:**

> Quick note that this fic begins more or less after the events of The Last Jedi. The timeline might be shifted a bit to make room for the story, and beware of spoilers!

 The blue-green stream that trickled down past your home always seemed to awaken you in early Spring mornings. The most welcoming characteristic it had was the fact that the water that rushed through and led into the sea was always warm - as if you were stepping into a bath. The foam that built up between the rocks lapped against your midsection as you stood in the inviting liquid. You stared down at yourself through the clear water, washing off any dirt from the previous days work. You cupped your hands together, gathering the warm foamy water in your hands before splashing it over your head, enjoying the way it really brought you back to life. The birds chirped at you, seemingly angry as they pecked the nearby rock with their oversized beaks. You turned away and ignored them as you stretched out further, bending backwards to relieve your stubborn bones from any pain. The sun had only risen an hour ago, you were dreading getting out of this stream already as you knew the frozen atmosphere outside would greet you. You ungracefully felt around for your clothes nearby, drying yourself off before forcing yourself to get up and get dressed. You could have sworn you froze and thawed as you did so. Thankfully, the sun was inching up more and more each second and by the time your work bag was slung over your shoulder, you could stand the freezing temperatures a bit more. After drying your hair as best as you could with your orange cloth, you decided it was time to get into the work of the day. Unfortunately.

You raised your head up from the crop you were digging up long enough to see the sun fully risen. It instantly warmed the soil beneath you, and that's when you knew that a new day on Blucotune had begun. The whistling of the feathered creatures swarming the canopy shaped trees echoed above you and the shrilling, yet pleasant, sound seemed to shake you from your strange trance. The further back you stared into the drapes of leaves, the more rich shades of green you saw, though it was barely as lush as it usually was, due to it only being early Spring. Everything was in early stages of development, especially the crops. You hoped for a good harvest this year, afterall, the resources you supplied on Blucotune went straight to the First Order and their ships. As you sat there, knees in the dirt, eyes fluttering closed for just a brief second, you felt a large wave of peace wash over you upon knowing that soon the harvest would come and you could relax for a while. Not forever, but for a while. When the last crop was nestled tightly into your wheelbarrow, you nodded contently and began the trip back to the farmhouse. All the old roots were being pulled up and replaced with new seeds, it was the most tedious work in the Galaxy but it brought odd moments of happiness. The early morning sky was pink and orange which made you squint. The thick cream clouds clumped the sky and if you squinted hard enough you could see the rest of the town in the distance. Beyond there, it was merely darkness. For obvious reasons, of course. The First Order only kept half of this planet intact and the other half was used for weapons testing. You had never been over there, but every time you went into the marketplace with your mother, the pitch black border was always so jarring. The way that a planet that held so much life - a large and tranquil pool of sea, an extending forest of green full of multiple species of all shapes and sizes, and a quiet town full of humble townspeople - while also holding something so strangely out-of-place. You heard that people actually lived there, and when you were younger, your classmates spread the vicious rumour that rebels were taken there to be tortured. The thought scared you the but suddenly it did again as you pulled your brown leather jacket close to keep in the heat and moved forward.

You passed the multiple huge stables which housed war beasts, tamed by your father and sold to the First Order every year to engage in combat against the rebellion. They had to be bred perfectly, and trained perfectly, and you knew one day you'd have to carry the burden of perfecting all of this. Your future. When you were younger, you agreed with your parents. You looked up to the First Order, you listened to tales of Darth Vader in awe and your very few classmates joined in your excitement as you played pretend. Your childhood best friend, Amahtupe, was a twi'lek who always got stuck with the role of the rebels, but she was the only one who seemed oddly content with it.

You walked into the farmhouse, sighing gently as you remembered her, and the day she left. You stared into the soapy sink water and cleaned as you reminisced. You were both thirteen. It was the last day of school before a long Summer break off to help the war effort, and you saw her with armfuls of books about the rebellion, about the Jedi.. it scared you. You didn't know what to think so you confronted her and she told you she had to leave. You chased her across the fields of crops, shrouded in darkness with nothing but the light of her torch. The stars were glowing down at you both and she constantly stared up at them as she ran from the town she stayed in her entire life. Then she stared at you, tears streaming down her face, just moments before boarding a ship hidden in the trees. There were multiple Resistance leaders in the doorway of the ship, arms crossed and staring at the planet before them. You grabbed her arm, pulled and yelled but to no extend. She begged you to join the Resistance, she tried to convince you, but fear stopped you from going elsewhere. So you watched as she left, and you knew she wasn't coming back. Ever since that day, your mind has been stuck in limbo - trying to decipher right from wrong, and light from dark. It was hard to reprogram the way you were brought up. You didn't dare utter anything about it to your parents - they were too loyal to the First Order, they would surely kick you out.

A few weeks back, that was only made more apparent, as a good portion of the town had a celebration upon hearing that Kylo Ren was the new supreme leader. You joined in on the festivities but you didn't really have any in-depth political conversations. There was something about the new Supreme Leader that made you uneasy.

You rolled your shoulders back and dried your hands off, staring absently out of the window. You only stopped when you heard a sudden rustle and pop from the nearby wheelbarrow of dirt. You laughed at the one furry ear that perked up out of the dirt, then the eyes and the snout of a familiar creature. He chirped multiple times as he burrowed out of the wheelbarrow, his long furry tail swishing from side to side as he sat on his hindlegs. You extended your hand, allowing him to climb up onto your shoulder. Valor was a small tan rodent which your parents despised being in the house. You found him eating your crops years ago and couldn't bring yourself to murder him. You instead tucked him into your work bag and hid him away in your room all Winter. You viewed him as one of the family at this point. You peered out of the window again, making sure your parents were preoccupied with farm work before disappearing upstairs to hide Valor away in his box under your bed.

"You know you can't walk around the house like that," you told him as you sat on the floor. He continued to chirp away in retort but you raised your hand. "I don't want to hear it. I don't want you getting kicked out or anything.." You wriggled onto your bed and Valor eagerly followed, hopping up onto the window ledge and staring out, his furry cheek pressed against the glass. He stared at the forest with a wide-eyed and curious gaze, his eyes locked intently on the Winter fruit trees, multicoloured and appetising. "Is that really what you were risking your life for?" You laughed as you pet his head with your index finger, grinning. He spun around multiple times excitedly, his tail puffing up. You snickered and were interrupted by your father yelling up the stairs, clearly stressed.

"[Y/N]! A fathier just escaped the stable, you need to get down here, right now!"

You muttered under your breath, quickly pulling your boots on and marching to the door. You froze and turned.

"Hey. I'll get one, alright?"

Valor squealed happily, laying down on his back contently which made you roll your eyes before running downstairs and out of the backdoor.

It took hours to chase down the escaped fathier who was supposed to be given to the First Order military in merely a few months. He was being disobedient, and your father was obviously stressed about it. You managed to toss a rope around him and wrangle with him, your heels planted into the dirt as he grew tired and gave up. His custom-made armour from the local blacksmith was now covered in dirt and your father cursed as he cleaned the First Order symbol with a damp cloth. You were made to lay the armour out to dry, to clean the stable and to gather the hay that he'd strewn around the rest of the farm. By the time you were finished, the night was terribly bitter and uninviting. You were about to turn from the stable, your muscles tired, and collapse into bed but then you saw the trees in the distance and remembered your promise to Valor. You groaned audibly and began to stomp away, the mud under your work boots sticking to you.

About halfway there, you were now calming, and stared at the rising moon that was casting the shadow about the town. You inhaled, held it, and exhaled slowly. You began to jog slightly, enjoying the noise of frozen grass crunch under your feet and the feeling of soft Spring leaves reaching out to brush your arms from nearby branches. You came to a halt in front of the Winter fruit tree, licking your lips as you wondered how you were going to get up there without breaking a bone. However, thinking about Valor's cute little face whimpering at you as you returned empty-handed was enough to make you start climbing. Your work boots gripped the rough bark, your palms were scuffing halfway up the tree and your cheek was pressed dangerously hard against the trunk.

"Oh, the things I do for you," you growled under your breath, cursing out your small pet even if he wasn't here.

The cold made the experience even worse but by the time you got to the final branch and swung yourself around onto it, your entire body felt warm from pride. You grinned and furrowed your brow, digging around for a dagger and sawing it off until it hit the ground below with a thump. Alright, now the trick was getting down...

As you began to extend your leg back down, the branch below you grew weak. Your heart pounded and adrenaline began to race. You realised you could barely moved down to grip onto the trunk. Your mind swam but within seconds, it didn't matter anymore. The drop wasn't too high, but it sure felt like it as you fell. Your body was enveloped with cold air, you raised your goosebumps-ridden arms to shield your head from the inevitable blow you were about to face. As you were moments from the ground, you saw a beautifully coloured creature with a long extended blue beak and glinting eyes, caught mid-flight, staring at you. It was a comfort. Only for a second, and then you felt the impact. You grunted in pain as you hit the grass, groaning as you were unable to roll over onto your front due to the pain. Your eyelids flickered as the bird above you disappeared and as it did, you realised that the atmosphere was now oddly silent. The forest creatures were no longer making their late night calls to their young, the insects in the long grass made no noise and the rushing of the distant ocean fell quiet. You knew there was something wrong, instantly, and you basically jumped to your feet, even if it was incredibly painful. You looked around in front of you - nothing - yet the silence still remained. The true experience began when you quickly turned around, bewildered.

You saw it. But, at the same time, you weren't entirely sure what it was. An outline, or a shadow. Of a person? You didn't know who it was, you couldn't see their face but somehow you could read their expression. And you knew they weren't there in the forest with you. You were frozen with fear, yet your mind was mobbed with curiosity. You were too scared to open your mouth but the figure spoke first, in a harsh tone that set you back.

"Rebel scum."

Your eyes widened, wondering if this was really happening or if you were unconscious from the fall. After another brief second of nothingness, you swallowed and stuttered out a weak response.

"M-me?"

You could somehow sense the figure growing shocked and standing from his position, looking around and then directly at you.

"Who is this?" His voice sounded venomous and deep, his lip curling into a snarl. He sounded like he had authority, you could feel by his aura that he was of importance.

Because of this, you choked out your answer once more.

"Uh, I'm [Y/F/N]. F-from Blucotune--"

The sudden rushing of birds out of the bushes startled you and you fell back, your scuffed palms cushioning your fall this time, and your eyes squeezing shut tightly. When you reopened them and the fleet had passed, so had the figure. The strange figure with the expression of a bitter man but the aura of a confused one. Your heart continued to pound as you clutched desperately at your shirt, wondering what was going on. You hit yourself on the leg a few times just to make sure you weren't dreaming. As you wobbled to your feet, the Winter fruit clutched in your hands, you suddenly felt a wave of paranoia dart through you. Natural instinct kicked in and carried you all the way home.

You rushed in, closing the door immediately and crossing over into the kitchen. Your mother stood at the table, pressing down your First Order flag that usually hung in the living room. She eyed the neon blue fruit in your hands with a bitter expression, staring up at you.

"You fell trying to get that, didn't you? You always do." You nervously laughed at this and nodded, feeling around for a knife to crack it open with.

"The Spring festival is taking place tomorrow, you better not be too injured to go, because remember you promised Amahtupe's mother that you'd speak at her anniversary memorial, and you have to carry the flag in and--"

"Mother, I understand," you said harshly and suddenly, almost feeling like it wasn't truly you who said it. As you did, the knife drove right through the centre of the Winter fruit and split it into two halves. "Thank you, and goodnight."

She watched with a grimace as you basically sprinted upstairs into your room, slamming the door and setting the fruit onto the window ledge. The anxiety in your stomach didn't stop, your hands clawed through your hair over and over. Valor was busy devouring the sickly sweet blue treat, but paused to look at you and tilt his head in concern.

"It's alright, Valor, it's fine," you try to assure him but you're not too keen on that answer yourself. "I just saw something. Someone. I don't know who it was."

The small rodent hopped down from his place as you rested your head on a nearby wall, your back still aching from your fall. He curled into your lap without a sound and you closed your eyelids, trying to stay awake but your body being too exhausted, and your mind being too strained to stop yourself.


	2. White Marble.

 Blucotune was known for its useful natural resources, its hardworkers, its unique wildlife and most importantly, how devout the citizens were to the First Order. Deep shades of red and black plastered the marketplace as you rode in on your carriage, pulled by a fathier also wearing his First Order custom-made armour. There were flags draping down from every store-side, every house you passed had one in the window and young children constantly tripped over their own feet attempting to mimic ambush attacks on the Resistance they had heard about. Without the unusual burst of colour, the marketplace was usually quite bland, in your opinion. It was teetering very close to the edge of the weapons testing side of the planet, which made you uneasy. The energy from that side of Blucotune was something you had often dreamed about, or more specifically, had nightmares about.

As your carriage pulled to a stop, and the fathier began to drink water laid out by the townspeople, your entire family clambered out and into the heart of the market. When you were younger, the Spring festival was less focused on the First Order, and more focused on Spring, but now there seemed to be an equal balance of the two. One of your classmates sat perched on a large rock, children huddling her, as she began to weave small, white voluminous flowers, with petals so dainty you were surprised they didn't break off as soon as she touched them. Seeing her here reminded you of the sole reason you were always dragged along to the Festival.

Ever since your childhood friend, Amahtupe, disappeared seemingly "without a trace", the townspeople called blame on the Resistance. Multiple people had seen their ship passing above the planet, and then the next morning, the young girl was gone. Everyone believed she had been kidnapped, enslaved and tortured by the rebels. The guilt lingered in your stomach every year when you didn't have the heart to tell them that she left on her own accord, and that you were the last person to ever see her. Nobody knew, however, and so every year during the Spring festival, they held a memorial for Amahtupe. Followed by loud ranting and shouting about how the First Order would surely destroy the Resistance and how one day Amahtupe would be free from their evil hands. You shuddered at the thought of your friend returning and exposing you for the liar that you really were.  
  
Your mother cleared her throat and dumped the oversized, folded red and black flag into your arms, giving you a stern look.

"Remember the speech you practised for Amahtupe's tribute, yes? It's not long so I don't expect you to wriggle your way out of it..."

She trailed off as she saw two passing First Order soldiers, a gleam in her eye. She always seemed to.. like them. Only a few soldiers came down every year so she took her chances and trotted off to talk to both of the men, most likely about you. You visibly cringed and turned to talk to your father, but he was already in a heated debate with the nearby droid builder on whether or not the Jedi existed, and whether or not Supreme Leader Kylo Ren was going to murder them all. Slowly blinking, you decided to just make your way over to the area where the tribute would be.  
  
It was a nice quiet corner of the town square, with light grey cobbles which were covered with pink and purple petals falling from trees above. There were multiple statues nearby, of what you assumed were war heroes, carved out in brilliant white marble which reflected each sunbeam that hit against it. The tree trunks you passed were also a bright white, the pastel leaves dipping over into your vision as you gripped the flag tighter in your hands, your eyes threatening to become wet as you saw Amahtupe's mother before you. She sat on a tree stump, tucking her hair strands behind her ear multiple times and biting her bottom lip, clearly anxious. Only a few other classmates of yours were around, awkwardly lingering around the make-shift podium that had been set up for this occasion.

You draped the flag to hang over the podium as you did every year, the darkness greatly contrasting with its bright surroundings. You cleared your throat, "Hello, Missus Torkana."

  
Amahtupe's mother jumped, not expecting to see you there, her eyes widening. She forced a smile and you noticed the raw redness of her eyes as she had clearly been crying. You knew that would be the case for you too, eventually. You hummed, patted her shoulder and shuffled in behind the podium, dragging your fingernails across the top of the podium's surface nervously. Working up the courage annually to do this was always so difficult and this time was no different. You coughed a few times and obtained the attention of the small crowd. Their curious eyes peered up at you. You chuckled anxiously, rubbing your arm.

"Uh, hello.. hello. I'm here to talk about Amahtupe. Obviously. I do that every year, but uh.. you know."

  
God you felt like an idiot. You went over the speech in your head again, over and over, not wanting to disappoint your mother or let the truth slip out of your weak lips.

"She was my best friend. And I was..  _We think_ the last person that, uh, saw her. That night. Before she was kidnapped by the Resistance."

The words stung as you spoke them, and guilt throbbed in your chest.  _Liar._

"I don't know if I'll ever see her again, but I hope that when, uh, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren defeats the Resistance, she'll be free to come back home."

The last sentence you mumbled out and began wiping your eyes, unable to speak. Your mother had written your speech for you and it felt so insincere it hurt. You exhaled shakily, your face growing scarlet hot with embarrassment as you dipped your head down to stare at the podium's surface.

"I spent my entire childhood with her, including thirteen Spring festivals. Thirteen harvests. But only twelve Summers. She was gone before we could run in the sun, or before we could pick flowers or climb trees and most likely fall." You paused and gave a hoarse laugh through tears. "Even if she never returns home, the memories we have of her are the most important things and sometimes the only things we can cherish. Have a good Spring festival. Long live the Supreme Leader, um, good afternoon."

You scurried away with your flag in your hands, grasping at the fabric and sighing to yourself. It felt unfair to Amahtupe to do this - using her memory as a way of slandering rebels and lifting up the First Order. She didn't deserve it. You knew she was a good person. You had also gone off on a tangent about her and how much you missed her that Summer, which your parents would glare at you sideways for later but you didn't care. You combed your fingers through your hair, your tears still streaming down your cheeks but you took no notice of them.

After returning the flag to the carriage and smoothing it down, your father looked you up and down, squinting at your wet face.

"Really? Don't you cry about this every year?"

You shrugged and remained silent - you didn't want to admit to your weaknesses as it would only result in an insulting sneer from your parents. You leaned against the carriage as your father left. You wanted just a moment to yourself, everything was so overwhelming.

As you inhaled quietly, you could hear the loud blaring of music being played in the square by a popular Blucotune band, and the shuffling feet of those dancing to it. The music was upbeat and swinging, and you found yourself to be breathless whenever you danced to it. You gave a sideways glance at your mother (talking to soldiers) and at your father (talking to drunk friends) before slipping away into the crowd, undetected and ready to attempt to take your mind off of things. You halted in a nearby narrow alleyway to wipe your face dry, and wear a smile you hope would become genuine and then thrust yourself into the scene.

You instantly stumbled into the wide open space of the square, the red decorations glinting in the bright afternoon sun. The ground beneath you was stark white and reflected a new colour each step you took closer into the colourful crowd of familiar faces. A girl you distantly knew extended her hand out to you, and you quickly took it, unable to think twice about the decision.

Her yellow dress and lacy white underskirt sprang around her knees as she danced with you, the complicated steps coming to you easily as it was mostly a tradition now. The music blared in your ears, your grip on each new partner's hands tight as they managed to fumble their way into a box step or a spin. Each partner had a new set of glowing eyes, lit up with concentration and joy, and a difference skin tone which was basking in the orange light.

You slipped a few times, admittedly, laughing it off with an apparent coat of blush on your face until the music ended and you stumbled backwards out into the crowd, falling on your ass. Your palms extending to cushion your fall and grazed over the soft flowers that were hidden between the cracks of the square. A slight ripple of pain shot through you and you rubbed your head. A small chorus of laughter surrounded you and you sheepishly smiled, hiding your face from the gaze of fellow townspeople and the glaring sun above you all.

After managing to stand, you were quickly drawn away by the grasp of someone familiar. Your mother. You raised an eyebrow as she pulled you out of the busy crowds with her usual frustrated expression.

"Don't embarrass yourself, [Y/N]. Honestly, after all the work I put in to try and get you recognised by First Order soldiers, and this is the thanks I get? Attempt to look presentable for once."

You silently seethed on your way home from the festival, replaying your mother's words over and over as you sat in the back of the fathier-drawn carriage, each bump in the uneven country road only making you grow more and more angry. You knew that your parents wanted you to become a farmer or a First Order soldier, and due to your disinterest in breeding animals or tending to crops, they leaned more toward military.

You gnawed on your fingernails anxiously, not wanting to admit that the thought of being in the war made you scared. But it did. You didn't want to die early. You had never even been off of this planet - this was all you had known your entire life. Sheltered, maybe, but that's how you liked it. Calm.

You turned your head to look at the landscape mapped out before you. A brilliant golden-yellow sunset, dipping dangerously low below the faraway hills that were a location for mining. The large orchard of Winter fruit trees infront was shedding its final fruits, preparing to close up for the next season and return in a year with the same warm blue leaves. The dirt road you were travelling on was littered with small stones, each with their own unique shape, and the glow of the last hour of the sun made your body relax slightly despite your previous rage. Everything was fine.

Then you turned your head to see the other side of Blucotune - the side you usually ignored. Pitch darkness curled up around you as soon as you stared into the abyss and it felt as if the colour would swallow you whole. Your felt your eyes widening and your throat closing up but you were paralysed to the spot, not even able to move your numb fingers. Your eyelid twitched. It was as if the whole world was going silent again, replaced only with a low noise you could barely comprehend. Goosebumps prickled on your skin. You were leaning forward, unaware of your actions until you were shaken from your terrible trance.

"Are you even listening to me? I told you that tomorrow you have to take the fathiers out on their daily walk," your father said, presumably for the fifth time.

You snapped your head to the side to look at him, terror still apparent on your face as you nodded. You pushed yourself back up against the carriage and stayed there for the entirety of the ride home. You had never felt that way about seeing the dark side of Blucotune, you weren't entirely sure why that was the case now.

You pushed your hair back and clambered out of the carriage immediately as it halted, your body now aching from everything you had done that day. You refused dinner when your parents asked and instead opted to go into your own room and rest. Valor was perched up as usual, very curious about the day you had and annoyed that he couldn't go with you. He pressed his soft fur against your hand, against your arm and then against your neck as he curled up against when you lay down. He emitted a low purr which usually set you off into sleep but you couldn't help but just stare at the ceiling blankly, your mind full of questions.

A day so bright had somehow sank into something so dark and the thought was making you freeze up.

You turned onto your side, almost squashing Valor as you did so. He scurried to lay at your feet and nap there, so you closed your eyes, inhaled and attempted to find some kind of resolution to this issue in your dreams. However, only there did it darken and only now were you more lost than before.

You knew the dream started with you.

Your first thought was that you knew you were dreaming, but there was no panic about this fact. You wanted to explore every inch of what this dream had to offer and you were confident in doing so. You squinted and looked about in your surroundings. Everything was a different shade of black or the darkest of greys - formless ebony structures stretching off into the sky and something that seemed like fog surrounded you. You walked and the ground under your boots felt like solid ice but it was almost as if there was nothing there when you looked down. This place felt familiar.

You trudged along further. Even though there was nothing in sight, your brain was nagging and persistent that there was something hidden in the clumps of shadows. You stepped over multiple broken blasters and bomb shells laying lifelessly on the ground, sometimes kicking them to the side.

You had a fleeting thought about breaking up until your entire body shuddered at the sight of an enormous towering cave, with a gaping opening and an inside that seemed like it would kill you instantly if you stood inside. You extended your arm as you walked in, your hand being the first to enter. Your hand felt icy numb the second it brushed the darkness contained in the cave. You jumped slightly, squinting at the figure that appeared from your touch.

A tall figure, the outline loomed over you, wearing a cape and having tresses of long black hair. His eyes were narrowed down at you harshly and his twisted facial expression brought out the extending scar on his cheek. You curiously reached out to touch him, to see if you could feel him, but the moment you did, you fell backwards.

You felt breathless as you did the ground, splaying out on your back. The fog on the floor consumed you within seconds and your vision was now turning into nothing. You were clawing desperately at your throat over and over, trying to make yourself breathe but not knowing how. Your feet kicked up the pebbles on the ground aimlessly but you couldn't roll from your back. Flashbacks from the night before stormed your mind, the way you fell onto the forest floor with the inability to do anything. The only thing you could do with your voice was yell. A raw scream ripped itself from your throat, and as it did, it seemed like this dark world was unwinding.

The fog cleared, the sky turned white, the cave faded away and the only thing left was that looming figure, eyes now staring but not maliciously, but curiously. Desperately. Wantonly.


	3. Synthetic Warmth.

You felt half-dead during your morning walking the fathiers.

You had woken up screaming, thrashing and sweating the morning after your terrible nightmare, unable to shake the feeling that something was wrong.

Your father checked your temperature, shrugged and sent you outside to walk his prize possessions - animals. Valor was curled up in your pocket, purring contently as you walked out to the stables to release them.

The huge open field on the far end of the farm was all for them to run around in. They usually spent hours running in circles, attempting to race each other and generally making you freeze outside waiting for them.

The five of the huge beasts lingered beside you in the early morning sun, they were clearly tired too. You kept glancing over your shoulder to stare into the dark abyss of what was the other half of this planet. You were now wondering if your nightmare showed you the real appearance of the other side. Dark, depressing, a swallowing abyss that was prepared to envelope you at any notice. The thought made you shudder, the thought that a power so strong was right there.

Valor chirped and hopped onto your shoulder with a grin, his tiny fangs poking from his lips. That tiny face of his always brought you a glimmer of happiness, even in awfully strange times like these.

The fathiers instantly hit a run as soon as you opened the gate to the open field, each flower being trampled under their mighty hooves. You watched them all run together, their long pointed ears pricking up in excitement whenever they saw a new face pass them. The mute green grass was exciting to them, the thought of the air around their bodies was exciting to them. The very thought that this was what they were supposed to do and this is what they were supposed to be was enthralling.

"Brutes. Right, Valor?" You quipped as you sat on a nearby patch of grass. He made a squeal in agreement.

You watched the creatures frolic carelessly around, with seemingly excited expressions, happy to have one last ounce of freedom before their inevitable deaths in the war. You would be sad to see them go, as you were every year. But maybe you could get used to taking care of them for a living, if it meant your life was spared.

As you stared at the lingering crowd of animals, you noticed a loud jet of noise above you. A First Order ship, one that was coming to pick up the soldiers from the festival, you assumed.

However, the fathiers were discomforted by this noise that the ship emitted and began to grow unruly, some running back to the gate and staring at you. You were unsure of what to do, awkwardly shooing them away. Some obeyed, but others were consistent and pushed the full weight of their bodies onto the steel gate. You swallowed thickly and nervously, reaching for the rope at your waist, unravelling it slowly. The fathier wasn't going to enjoy the experience if he kept going but of course, he did, and you had to do something before he broke the gate and the others escaped.

Valor eyed you nervously from the ground as you managed to climb onto the gate and anxiously toy with the thick rope in your hands. The steel bars were becoming more and more unstable, so you bit the bullet and tossed the rope over the fathier's head, catching him by the neck. You knew if you could pull him down far enough and mount him, he'd calm down enough for him to stop.

A brief rush of adrenaline hit your stomach as the beast began fighting back with you, twisting the rope in your hands and most likely giving you rope burn. You jerked the rope down in one swift motion and the fathier half-collapsed, allowing instant access to his back.

You scrambled to mount him and that you did. He reared on his back legs, but your grip on the rope was too tight and you didn't fall. You shifted in his saddle slightly, deciding now was the time to leave. He had done a number on the fence, so it swung open as soon as a gust of wind came.

The fathiers looked at you for guidance and eagerly trotted over, wishing to return to their stables before an inevitable storm began. Valor seemed to feel the same as he climbed the fathier (much to its dismay) to burrow himself in the folds of your clothing.

The up-down rhythm of the beast beneath you was tauntingly slow as you saw the growing black clouds emerging from the sky, very reminiscent of the thick fog you had seen the night before in your dream. It made you teeter on the edge of a panic.

You inhaled, patting the neck of your ride for comfort and trying to focus on Valor's concerned chirps instead.

You were minutes away from the stables when the rain began pouring, making you cringe at the fact you'd have to push all of these war beasts into their stables, covered in rain and wet mud. But you dismounted one, letting the earth sink up around your boots uncomfortably as you removed the rope from his neck.

"Good boy," you murmured, your clothes now sticking to your body as they grew tighter from the rain.

Each animal was taking its time getting into their stable, at one point you had to push a female in with your bare hands until you quite literally fell over front-first into the dirt. Cursing under your breath, you locked each hatch and stood for a minute in the rain.

A headache was clenching at your skull very suddenly. You grit your teeth and shut your eyes momentarily. It was difficult to walk home as the pain didn't seem to pass.

Near the farmhouse, in an area where the carriage was usually parked, stood a large glistening First Order ship. You raised an eyebrow, assuming they had just used your farm for parking space while they retrieved their soldiers. You gave a brief wave at two stormtroopers guarding the door and it elicited no responses. Go figure. Valor was hidden away inside your clothing somewhere, obviously scared of the blasters that the white-clad soldiers were holding. You chuckled slightly.

You pushed your way into your home, the wet rain pouring off of you and your rope hanging lifelessly at your belt. You entered the house, blabbing nonsense to your strangely silent parents in the other room.

"The war beasts were pretty unruly today, you know," you said, trying to make casual conversation as you toss your rope into the nearby cabinet. "That First Order ship that flew past the field really scared them. I had to wrangle one down, it took forever." You paused, hoping that would be impressive to them.

As you shrugged your jacket off and placed it onto the nearest hook, you couldn't help but wonder if your parents were there at all due to their absence of speaking. The house felt oddly heavy and you were trying to ignore your worsening headache every step you took. You hummed and turn into the next room, and instantly you felt your heart jump as you come to the realisation of who was there.

Your mother and father, of course, nestled tightly together on the silk red couch, looked to be awestruck. Your mother in particular had wide eyes, her mouth parted slightly. She was staring up at a figure. A familiar, dark figure, far taller than you.

Your eyes darted around him - you analysed his broad body, his jaw, his narrowed stare, his tresses of ebony hair and  _that scar._ You clicked, all at once, and you knew who it was. The outline you had spoken to that day you fell, the figure from last night's dream was somehow Kylo Ren. You were stunned for a moment, wondering if the headache had caused this and maybe you were just going mad.

You opened your mouth to say something, anything, and took a step forward towards him. However, a stormtrooper harshly put his arm out, holding you from advancing and silencing your thoughts. Bewildered, you looked to your mother.

"[Y/N]," she started softly, clearly realising that you were disorientated. "It's _Supreme Leader Kylo Ren_. Where are your manners? Bow, bow."

She urged and you did so, although clumsily. From your place down on one knee, you stared up at him, and he stared down at you.

Did he know that you saw him in visions and dreams? Did he see you too?

The longer you stared at his gaze, the harder your headache became to control, your fingers curling in your knee. He blinked, breaking contact and turning his head away.

"That will be all," he said simply and with that sentence, the pain in your head was gone. He turned his attention to the stormtroopers lingering.

I'll be in the ship. Bring him to me when he's ready."

The soldiers agreed in unison and the Supreme Leader gave you one last icy stare before leaving out of the door you came in, the wind and rain swallowing him.

You scrambled to your feet, hands shaking, unable to form words for a few seconds. You managed to choke out, "What is going on? Why is the Supreme Leader on Blucotune? What does he want to do with me?"

Fear struck you instantly as you silently prayed you weren't mistaken for a rebel, due to being friends with Amahtupe. You didn't want to be tortured or taken into wastelands and brutally murdered at the hands of the Supreme Leader himself. However, your parents' tears of joy and wide, proud smiles seemed to illustrate that was not the case.

"I told you that talking to those soldiers at the festival would do something," your mother bragged. "Because now you're going to be serving the Supreme Leader, right under his regime, on his ship!"

Your father wrapped an arm around his wife's body, smiling and nodding all the while. Your stomach dropped. Were you really leaving to fight in this war? You forced a smile of sorts.

Your parents began to usher you into your room, telling you to pack absolutely everything necessary. As the door creaked shut behind you, your fingers woven in your hair, a panic hit you. You swallowed thickly and your vision blurred as you blindly packed a bag, playing nervously with the leather drawstrings that hung from it.

You packed as many articles of clothing you could cram into it, a book you hadn't finished yet, a small wooden instrument that was native to Blucotune and possessed four strings on its tiny base and...

You stopped to inhale, pausing the chaos. Everything was moving so fast, you felt like you were going to throw up.

Valor wriggled out from your sleeve, hyperactive yet just as worried as you were. You stared at him blankly, a pang of guilt hitting you as you realised you would have to leave him here. Your room was almost stripped bare and tucked away into your bag, but Valor was still here.

You looked around, checking the hallway for a millisecond before opening the bag for Valor to crawl in effortlessly.

Before running back downstairs, you stopped to stare out of the window. Sitting by it was the blue Winter fruit from the previous day, and outside the rain was passing, being pushed apart by hazy rays of sunshine. It danced across the wet grass decorated with silver, slick dewdrops. A flock of feathered creatures with red chests and long, sharp canines extending from their beaks flew past your window in a flurry, and you examined each feather that fell past you in detail. It was calming and you wanted to soak in every last ounce of your home planet before you were torn away from it by a cruel, unthinking hand.

You were in the midst of tying up your leather bag as your parents returned, telling you to hurry before Kylo Ren changed his mind.

As you walked down the staircase of the home that you'd known all of your life, you grimaced at yourself.

You looked dirty due to working all morning and now you were supposed to be travelling with someone who was effortlessly flawless. It was almost as if you were walking in slow motion to the front of the farmhouse.

The stormtroopers were growing impatient, staring you all down, but your parents wanted to say goodbye, of course.

Your father pulled you in first, gripping you tightly with his arms that had been training beasts for years.

"You've made us so proud, son," he said, tears welling up in his eyes. Your mother agreed as she put a gentle hand on your shoulder.

She continued, "Of course, we're upset that you'll be leaving for so long but there's always next year's Spring festival? I expect to see you there." She smiled. "Long live the First Order! Hahah..."

Her laughter faded off with sadness and you couldn't help but feel awkward in their presence. They were expecting you to be a good, strong soldier in the First Order but you weren't entirely sure that was your destiny. At all. Nervousness dripped from you as you gave a shaky smile back at them for their efforts.

"I'll be back, I swear," you hollowly promised but you didn't know if you ever would be.

You reached over and opened the farmhouse door, the large gust of bitter wind enveloping you instantly as you did so. It ruffled your hair as you continued to walk, and the stormtroopers picked up their pace to match yours. You looked back at your parents at least six times on the walk up to the First Order ship, making sure they were still in the doorway of the farmhouse and each time, they were. There was a solid metallic clang as soon as you walked on the slope that led to the ship's entrance.

The ship radiated a synthetic kind of warmth. The stormtroopers stood, emotionless, whilst you froze in the entrance of the ship, staring out to your parents and out to Blucotune.

The doors were closing, slowly, the slope was raising up and you kept desperately trying to see every inch of your home before it did.

You gazed at the stables, the fields, the crops, the Winter fruit trees, the birds, the forest, the faraway schoolyard, the tiny speck that was the marketplace and beyond that, the large looming blackness. The blackness was the last thing you saw before the door shut.

The stormtroopers were saying something to you, you could vaguely register it, but you didn't listen. Your brain was still processing how fast the transition from Blucotune to a First Order ship had been. The life you had known was now gone in the space of one short _clang_.


	4. On Your Palms.

Everything on this ship was dark and metallic. Each step you took was a low clang, each door opened with a smooth swoosh and when you were escorted to your room, the artificial white lights sprang on silently. Your room had a wide, glass window, giving you a scary view of the outside. Everything looked so big, and you felt so small. You walked into the quarters, the door closing behind you. You slowly walked over to the large pane of glass, pressing your hand against it momentarily as you watched your blue planet grow smaller and smaller. You swallowed thickly as your bag slipped from your arm and onto the highly-polished floor with a thump. Valor scurried out with a yelp and you were taken back for a moment, forgetting that he had wriggled into your luggage. You sat down beside the over-packed bag, arms around your legs, chin resting on your kneecaps and your stare still planted on your now invisible home, now masked with stars. You quickly swiped away at the silent tears that rolled down your cheeks and cleared your throat. You decided you'd most likely have to look around this room if you'd be spending the majority of your time there. Your knees wobbled a little as you stood, not used to being in a ship. The height was kind of frightening. You repressed your fears long enough to stumble over to a nearby door. It was smaller than the entrance but it had no doorknob. You awkwardly felt around the steel slab that was acting as a doorway, attempting to get it to move. Eventually it did, after you hit it a few times. It rose up slowly to reveal what seemed like a bathroom but certainly wasn't like the one you had at home. The artificial, cold feeling of the room made it uninviting the second you stepped onto the black tile and the tall shower seemed looming. Valor didn't seem to mind, however, as he scrambled wildly on the sink, slipping into it and then rushing out to curl around the tap. As you ran your fingers across the clean glass separating you and the shower, the water began violently rushing from the shower head. You jumped as the water droplets trickled your skin but after a moment of inwardly debating, you decided that a shower would be beneficial. Valor was already sleeping in the sink by the time you were under the warm water, which felt wildly different to the lake on Blucotune you usually bathed in. You dug the dirt out from under your fingernails, on your palms, behind your neck and your hair. The water ran a muddy grey, making you grimace at how filthy you must have looked, especially next to all of those stark white stormtroopers. You leaned against the shower wall, letting the water and the realisation of this situation wash over you. It made you confused, if anything. You still had no idea why you were here, you weren't sure what "serving under Kylo Ren" meant - it was a rather broad statement. You anxiously laughed to yourself when you thought that maybe this was all a lie to coax you onto the ship, and that the First Order would torture you for speaking to Amahtupe all those years ago. Paranoia gripped you as you did the towel outside, drying yourself off and blinking tiredly. You cupped Valor in your hand once more, kneeling down and opening the cabinet underneath the sink. It had two large shelves and you gently set him into one. "You have to stay under here," you explained gently, guilt hitting you. "I don't know what they would do if they found you here. It won't be for forever, okay?"

He was silent but understanding as you closed the cabinet door. Returning back to your quarters, almost walking into the bedpost as you scavenged the cabinets and drawers for clothing. You were put off by your usual rags, you wanted to fit into this atmosphere as much as possible and prove you were something more than a farm worker. You pulled somewhat of an outfit together, although it was all-black and you weren't sure if you were supposed to be wearing it, you looked far more presentable than you did an hour ago. As you were on one knee lacing up the overly-complex black boots that you found, the familiar "swoosh" of the entrance door could be heard again. You looked up and saw an unfamiliar face - not Kylo Ren or a stormtrooper, but another man. As you rose back to your full height, the red-haired man seemed to be looking at you with some form of distaste. "You're the one that Ren brought on board?" He asked this, although it seemed more of a rhetorical question than a genuine one. You remained silent. He raised a brow. "My name is General Hux, I expect you address me as such. Supreme Leader Kylo owns this ship but I like to think I keep it running so try not to  _destroy_ anything that you can't understand." He gave a sly, somewhat cruel smile, clasping his gloved hands infront of him. You were unsure of how to respond to his blatant insults, so you stared blankly back at him. Despite your lack of response, he still continued rambling. "However, he did request that I give you a tour of this place. As if I don't have anything better to do. I don't know what he's planning on doing with you but I'm just taking orders." His smile grew to a bitter and sarcastic one as malice oozed from voice. "Are you going to speak now?"

You choked on your breath for a brief second. "Uh, yes, General." You said this with uncertainty but he didn't seem to mind as he turned on his heel and quickly began pacing out of the room and down the hallway. You struggled to keep up with him, fingers running through your hair anxiously with each step you took beside him. He began quickly racing through the dynamics of the ship, how every door worked and how every keypad that you both crossed worked. He also took many minutes pointing out seemingly random Stormtroopers with minuscule changes, passionately explaining their roles and how they were trained. You nodded along with a fake interest, too busy staring at every new room that passed you by. You entered through an unusually large set of double doors. Beyond them revealed a large, almost chaotic seeming control room, with multiple technicians at large monitors, tapping away at technology you had never even seen before. The chatter was loud, constant and buzzing, there wasn't a moment of peace here. You trotted up beside the General as you realised you had been falling behind in your awe, a BB unit buzzing past your feet with an engineer accompanying it. You inched close enough to hear his authoritative voice over the crowded room. "This is the central control room," he explained with a blank expression and tone. "I doubt you'll be in here much but if you actually want to appreciate how we keep everything in order..." He trailed off, leaning down to gaze into one of the monitors and speak to an employee of his. You stood awkwardly, arms limp at your sides as you realised everyone was staring at you, confusion apparent on their faces. You felt embarrassed, staring at the floor and trying to distract yourself with something else. You stood for another five minutes and grew irritable, moving on the spot, before blurting, "Sir, why am I here exactly? On this ship, I mean."

The General looked up from his current, obviously important conversation with an irritated stare. "Ren really never told you?" You shook your head quickly. "Fantastic. It appears that, once again, I have to do his job for him." He inhaled and held it, attempting to calm himself before clasping his hands again. "It's really just a  _theory_ he has. Balancing the life of the First Order in some strange hunch he has - one that I'm apparently 'not educated enough' to understand. The rebels are currently fighting alongside a girl - the name of which doesn't matter, I'll spare you the details - and she's a Jedi." He paused and nervously drew his tongue along the top row of his teeth. "We normally don't tell civilians in order to keep up the morale, although I suppose you're not merely a civilian anymore, are you? She's the one who murdered Supreme Leader Snoke." The General inhaled, as if reminiscing, before continuing on with his (in your opinion) overly-long and dramatic speech. "Anyway, Ren seems to think that he needs another person who is Force-sensitive to beat the Resistance. He wants to train you specifically for the task. I don't think it's necessary but, hah. What do I know?" Malice crept into his voice once more as he readjusted his colour and you stood in disbelief. "The, uh.. the Force?" You asked meekly, trailing behind the General like a lost puppy as he continued making rounds across the control room. "What exactly is that?" The question wasn't entirely genuine because you had a loose idea of what it meant. You were certain you had at least one lesson about it in school but you were no expert. And by the sounds of things, the Force and how  _you_ were going to use it seemed crucial in the plan of the Resistance's downfall.

Hux groaned under his breath and massaged the bridge of his nose, clearly disinterested in your lack of knowledge. "You can ask Ren these questions," he said simply. "No offence to you personally, but really, he is the one who is supposed to be sorting this out. I have time for this." You felt hot shame rise up in your cheeks and you nodded understandingly. The entire control room seemed to jump with fear as a loud clatter and fizzing was heard from a nearby room. You felt a strange warmth crawl over your chest, similar to stinging heartburn as the entire control room staff stared on in silence at the door concealing the noise. General Hux held a smug smile, gesturing vaguely to it. "Speak of the devil," he said. "Your mentor is right here. I'm sure he'll be eager to answer any questions you have?" He spun on his heel and whispered something into the ear of a nearby employee. The door rose and revealed the Supreme Leader himself, hair messy and blown over his face, shoulders heaving and a red-glowing lightsaber clenched in his white knuckles. His back was to the crowd (who were now pretending to focus on their work) and he was standing over something that you assumed was once a control panel, now just a hunk of burnt metal. He turned hotly and began marching straight up to General Hux, taking absolutely no note of you, as he was clearly blinded by rage. "Why didn't you tell me?" He barked and the General looked very uncomfortably all of a sudden. "There was an ally planet of the Resistance right by our ship, and you neglected to tell me!" Your eyes were subconsciously wide with fear, taking a subtle inch back with every word he yelled. General Hux laughed mockingly at the accusation, his gloved fists balled up. "Well, Supreme Leader," he said, obviously holding down his volume. "You were too preoccupied with travelling to Blucotune. Dead-set, actually, you cancelled all other plans to make the trip. To get the  _farm boy_ that you seem to be so infatuated with?"

This caused Kylo Ren's harsh and icy stare to flip onto you, as if looking right through you. Your knees quaked as he did so, threatening to make you stumble and fall in front of this huge crowd. He still stared, but it was clear he sensed your discomfort.  _Stop staring, stop staring,_ your thoughts pleaded over and over, your cheeks heating dangerously.  _"Your pleads are nothing short of pathetic,"_ Kylo's voice echoed in your head, causing your skull to ache. He didn't have to open his mouth to talk to you, you were now realising. You swallowed anxiously, shuffling on the spot, feeling even further embarrassment consuming you. The argument between the General and the Supreme Leader dragged on further and the surrounding shipmates seemed awfully used to this interaction as they continued to tap away at their monitors. The raising of voices seemed to reach a dangerous level until the General was called over due to a malfunction in one of the radars in the ship. The Supreme Leader eyed him dangerously, his brow furrowing with every new step that the General took away from him. When you turned your head away from the place Hux was standing, Kylo was looking at you again, although this time it was far less threatening. Kylo, now looking between your face and the back of Hux, managed to worm one more statement into your head before dramatically turning and leaving out the door he stormed into.

"He _doesn't like you."_


	5. Distant Conversation.

Your dream that night was somehow less mind shattering or haunting that all your previous ones from the night before, despite it starring the same cast of people. You were on an island, you heard the distant rushing of water and the roar of the sea, but you could not see it. Your surroundings were grassy and green, caked with moss. Stray grey pebbles shifted under your boots with each step you took, brushing to the side as you hiked yourself up an unsteady walkway. The sky was orange and peach, each milky white cloud dipping into the background as quickly as it appeared and by the time you climbed to the end of the path, your eyes were torn from the sight of the atmosphere. You traced your gaze upon tall brick structures that were towering but not intimidating. The brick was light grey and washed out, and smooth to the touch. They seemed to only serve a purpose as decoration, as two rows of them were dotted around, leading to a larger building in the distance. You picked up your pace, the building coming further into view, and you stopped once it was all in your stare. It was a broad structure, made mostly of wood, with the same washed-out cobble tiers sitting proudly atop of it. Each doorway was large, with beautifully crafted designs etched onto it. It was very tranquil and you gladly indulged in tracing your fingers along the wall of the temple as you walked around it, admiring from every angle. The warm breeze enveloped you, eyelashes brushing against your own skin. When you had managed to walk around the whole thing entirely, you turned slowly at the wide open space in front of it.

The field before you was mostly empty, give or take a few small wooden huts which you guessed housed the locals of whatever place this was. You gladly stretched and strolled contently down the path that lead to each snug home. They weren't as regally decorated as the temple was, but they were sturdy enough and a strange kind of familiarity oozed out of them. It almost felt as if you were back at home on Blucotune. You eyed the bright-eyed winged creatures perched atop of the hut, chirping to each other in a heated conversation as you came ever closer. A few of them swooped down at you as you were two feet away from the door, they attempted to sit on your head or your shoulder, and you laughed as you tried to shake them off. A snort emitted from your throat as one gently pecked your cheek and after much wrestling, your hand clamped down onto the door knob. You were still laughing as you pushed your way inside of the hut, but that wouldn't last long as sudden surprise halted your joy.Your dream that night was somehow less mind shattering or haunting that all your previous ones from the night before, despite it starring the same cast of people. You were on an island, you heard the distant rushing of water and the roar of the sea, but you could not see it. Your surroundings were grassy and green, caked with moss. Stray grey pebbles shifted under your boots with each step you took, brushing to the side as you hiked yourself up an unsteady walkway. The sky was orange and peach, each milky white cloud dipping into the background as quickly as it appeared and by the time you climbed to the end of the path, your eyes were torn from the sight of the atmosphere. You traced your gaze upon tall brick structures that were towering but not intimidating. The brick was light grey and washed out, and smooth to the touch. They seemed to only serve a purpose as decoration, as two rows of them were dotted around, leading to a larger building in the distance. You picked up your pace, the building coming further into view, and you stopped once it was all in your stare. It was a broad structure, made mostly of wood, with the same washed-out cobble tiers sitting proudly atop of it. Each doorway was large, with beautifully crafted designs etched onto it. It was very tranquil and you gladly indulged in tracing your fingers along the wall of the temple as you walked around it, admiring from every angle. The warm breeze enveloped you, eyelashes brushing against your own skin. When you had managed to walk around the whole thing entirely, you turned slowly at the wide open space in front of it.

The field before you was mostly empty, give or take a few small wooden huts which you guessed housed the locals of whatever place this was. You gladly stretched and strolled contently down the path that lead to each snug home. They weren't as regally decorated as the temple was, but they were sturdy enough and a strange kind of familiarity oozed out of them. It almost felt as if you were back at home on Blucotune. You eyed the bright-eyed winged creatures perched atop of the hut, chirping to each other in a heated conversation as you came ever closer. A few of them swooped down at you as you were two feet away from the door, they attempted to sit on your head or your shoulder, and you laughed as you tried to shake them off. A snort emitted from your throat as one gently pecked your cheek and after much wrestling, your hand clamped down onto the door knob. You were still laughing as you pushed your way inside of the hut, but that wouldn't last long as sudden surprise halted your joy.

The inside was as you expected - a small yet cosy home, with a burning yellow-lit fireplace, a steel pot suspended above it. On the mantelpiece lay multiple trinkets, mostly see-through gems and crystals that shone multi-colours whenever the sunlight from the miniature open window hit them. The floor was soft under you, and it held a smooth white silk bed, each fold of the fabric tucked down perfectly. A small cabinet nearby held few books, the spines fading. Stationed beside it was a rigid wooden chair, and of course the person sitting in it was Kylo. Your dreams had barely differed in regards to him being there, however, in this one he seemed different. His usual scowl wasn't painted on his face, his eyes weren't narrowed in distaste and his expression was looser. He seemed calmer, but his eyes were widened in shock slightly. You didn't know what to say, or if you should say anything at all. He moved a few strands of his ebony hair from his forehead, standing suddenly which startled you a little. You laughed nervously, but no sound came out. You cleared your throat and still it was silent. Upon opening your mouth and attempting to greet him, your neck seemed to almost close up and you choked on your words - of lack thereof.

You squeezed your eyes shut, your throat burning as you stumbled backwards. Dread filled your chest and it felt like your entire body was falling. You stayed like this for a few minutes before finally being able to inhale sharply, sitting up in your bed. The sheets were wrapped tightly around your legs, half of them were drooping sadly onto the floor and the bright white lights were almost blinding. You squinted wildly and attempted to wake yourself up. You slowly raised your hands to your face and rubbed your skin with a deep exhale, trying to calm yourself.

"What a strange dream," a low voice echoed from the other side of your bed. You snapped your head around to meet Kylo's curious gaze, your heart still pounding. He continued, "You have potential."

You pressed your palm against your forehead, trying to soothe your nerves and swallowing hard. "Sorry," you mumbled slowly. You weren't sure of what else to say. You swung your legs off the side of the bed and stretched your limbs out, hearing them pop quietly. Kylo watched with curiosity for a moment but neither of you said anything. "I'm still not entirely sure what's going to happen to me. What am I really doing here?" You stared at his expression which was clouded with thought.

"I have to train you," he concluded simply. "There is one thing that the Resistance has that we cannot seem to defeat. I think you will be the answer to this dilemma, but General Hux seems to think otherwise. I'm quite eager on proving him wrong."  
"That feels like a lot of pressure," you admitted sheepishly, rubbing your arm nervously, feeling the soft fabric. "I wasn't even aware I was force-sensitive until yesterday - I'm barely trained in anything that isn't farm work." You swallowed back the rest of your insecurities thickly, pausing and looking at him for answers.

"You will learn," he said simply. It was an odd comfort but a comfort nonetheless. He pushed back the dark fabric of his cape and reached around his waistline, which caused you to peer at him curiously. You were unaware of what he had in his hands until you felt the cold metal being pressed into your palm, surveying it momentarily, you realised it was a lightsaber. You laughed nervously, looking at him. "I don't know how to use this," you told him.

"You will learn," he repeated and he moved away while you wrapped your fingers around the halt of the saber. You saw a brief moment of vulnerability in his eyes before he stood, swallowing the emotions down his throat. He took one last look around the room before departing with strangely warming words. "Everything will come in due time." 

Your head hurt after the door closed. Which was a usual occurrence when it came to Kylo, it seemed. Aside from the headache, the only thing that was bothering you was the twisting pain in your stomach. You hadn't eaten since yesterday, when Valor managed to deplete the rest of what berries were in your bag. Although you'd rather do anything else, you know you'd have to force yourself to eat whatever food was on this ship.

After a long, begrudging shower and dress session, you stepped out into the hallway. Before leaving, you decided to slip the saber into your belt. Just in case. You stared down at the hoards of people who were walking to what you assumed was the cafeteria. Valor was nestled tightly in your pocket, your shoulders were awkwardly hunched as you looked around the faces of strangers. None of them really looked your way, and when some did, it was merely out of curiosity. You gave brief and reassuring smiles.

Your mind felt instantly claustrophobic when you walked into the lunch hall, eyes narrowing and legs quaking as you attempted to find a place to sit. You managed to settle on a small table at the very corner, rubbing the side of your head. It was hard to ignore the few whispers that were obviously discussing you and the further you went on, the less you wanted to get up and eat. Thankfully, you didn't have to, because a radar technician slid silently into the seat opposite you, offering you "food". You used that term lightly because it wasn't like anything you had ever seen before. Grey, depressing mixture in a bowl was a hard contrast to the light and vibrant fruits you ate at home.

You ate it anyway, of course, your hunger overpowering every other sense. The technician and his friends sat at your table, but you didn't mind because they seemed kind enough, welcoming you when they saw you.

They spent the majority of their time complaining about General Hux, staring at him from across the room and laughing whenever someone made a clever quip about how he looked constantly sour. You smiled a little, unable to contain it. You fed Valor what you could through your pocket, now snorting wildly at the jokes about Hux's hair colour or his whining voice. All conversation halted, however, as soon as the General starting staring at you from across the cafeteria. All the technician's nervously glanced at you.

"What's his problem with you?" One of them asked as he tried to ignore the burning stare the General was giving you. You stare at your hands while you shrugged. It was an honest response but if you had to guess you'd say that the General hated you because of Kylo. You were pretty much an extension of the Supreme Leader at this point, and Hux had a distaste for him, clearly.

Your head began aching again. Less violently than before but still irritating and noticeable. The added anxiety of being the centre of attention wasn't exactly helping your case either. You cleared your throat nervously and stood. "I should probably get going before he attacks me or something," you half-joked. The table muttered their goodbyes and you made a break for the nearest exit. There was a light muttering in your ears as you left, as if someone was having a distant conversation, but the hallway was empty. Valor was your only comfort as you rushed back to your bedroom.

Your hands pressed against your forehead lightly, and you sighed. This room was where you seemed to be stuck for a good portion of your day and you disliked how bare and foreign it was. The blindingly white lights and shiny black tabletops were strange to you. You slowly turned, staring at the control panel by your door and deciphering each button. After around ten minutes, you discovered the "lock" option, which you graciously applied, and the option to dim your lights, which you also used to your advantage. The heating options were a bit too complex for you, so you left it how it was and sat on the edge of your bed, staring at the chair where Kylo sat this morning.

Valor interrupted your thoughts as he squirmed out of your pocket and lay on your pillow, his tail curling and face burrowing into the fabric. You sighed slowly, picking him up and looking around. You had to find a place for him to sleep which wasn't out in the open. After obtaining the small wooden box (which was engraved with beautiful designs and a First Order logo) from your bag, you placed it in the closet on the top shelf. Valor dragged a stray piece of fabric into the makeshift bed and contently lay in it, no other problems in his mind. You wished you could be as relaxed as him. So you attempted to be in a similar state of mind.

It took an awfully long time for you to figure out how the bath worked. You were so used to bathing in the stream by your home that having to bathe indoors was a strange concept. Staring at the rushing water made you feel a little better, though. When you managed to clamber into the warm water, you pulled your knees to your chest and sat awkwardly. You touched the water, dipping each finger in and out, dragging the droplets against your skin as your eyes fluttered. Your body slowly unfolded and managed to loosen up.

Your eyes were closed for a good few minutes, and you were almost drifting into sleep before you heard a voice. Kylo's voice, of course. Who else's? You stifled a groan, not enjoying these intrusive thoughts. But this time he wasn't talking to you. It was as if you were listening to his conversation and he was unaware.

"General," he started, and his voice was clearly low and anger laced every word he spoke. "I don't need you putting off my trainee. You don't seem to grasp how extremely important he is."

There was a pause - you assume Hux snarled something back, a stupid smug look on his face.

"He is more important than you are, Hux," Kylo retorted back. "This you'll realise, and after he's trained, I wont hesitate to replace you."

An unusually long silence followed but you could still feel his presence. This caused you to wait. You became anxious, rubbing your legs together in anticipation. What came next made you even more on-edge and embarrassed than you had been all day.

"You should stop listening now."

That statement he spoke - you knew it was for you, directly. After that, silence fell on your ears and you felt his presence no longer. You sank deeper into the bath, a sigh escaping your lips and red decorating your hot cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO!! im so sorry for such the long wait, school has been super hectic but i rly wanted to get this finished. idk how long updates will be bc of exams and such, but theyll definitely be more regular during spring break and summertime.


	6. Kindness Was Weakness.

You were hurried down the dark halls of the ship in the early hours of morning, clad in black and red and armed with your secondhand sabre. The curious gazes of employees shot at you with every turn you made - you were quite the attraction. Surrounded with multiple stormtroopers and dressed in such overly-formal attire. This time the staring did bother you, and you huddled into yourself, sinking below the shoulders of your stark white guards. The whispering made you wince, making you cherish every mechanical clunk or swift door opening. Your heightened anxiety didn't seem to disturb your guards who only picked up the pace after being glared at by General Hux. You met eyes with him, your heart racing and your discomfort sprawled against your features. His sneer was unchanged as you passed him wordlessly. You didn't dare to say anything.

Your destination was beyond this place. The ship that you had boarded in Blucotune was now stationed in a far larger one, you realised it had docked while you were asleep. The sheer size of the environment made you uncomfortable, as did the increased volume of people now staring. Multiple other important-looking figures were there to greet you as soon as you stepped into the landing bay. You stiffly outstretched your hand to shake theirs, and your fingers shook with uncertainty as they spoke. After multiple mumbled introductions, an assistant took your bag willingly and hurried off, taking Valor away from your grip. Either the Supreme Leader himself had informed everyone of you, or General Hux had done so in an awkward fit of rage. Either way, these people were now expecting things from you. You were unsure if you were going to be able to deliver. You smiled nervously.

After hearing a barrage of people talk to you about the First Order, your personal guards continued to move you further into the ship, clearly irritated by the attention and stir your cameo was making. You gladly followed them this time to remove yourself from the claustrophobia. The rest of this ship was so massive that the thought of being concealed easily slipped your mind. The metallic walls stretched up to the roof further than your eyes could see, and the chrome shine of everything that sped past you was blinding. Every BB unit that produced loud pitches made you a little disorientated. The air was sterile. There was no scent but the overwhelming smell of cleanliness. Your fingers brushed against the cold railing as you descended down a small flight of stairs, every step of your ebony boot disturbing the material beneath it. The stormtroopers moved silently and you knew they were used to being here. But for you it wasn't so easy. Everything was white, nothing was dirty, nothing felt like home. A new level of sickness settled in your stomach.

As the silent squadron was now on a lower, quieter level of this ship, you felt more comfortable asking questions. "What is this place exactly?" You inquired, staring up at a stormtrooper. They all shared a quick glance between each other, each soldier not wanting to be the one that answered. One begrudgingly cleared their throat and answered you within a few seconds of thick silence.

"It's the Supremacy," they explained. "Mega-class Star Dreadnought. It was repaired a short time ago."

"Repaired?" You echoed, looking around, in disbelief that something so large could be damaged.

"After an attack," they concluded, not wanting to say any more. You bit your tongue and didn't ask any more questions - for your sake.

The Stormtrooper opened a large, open elevator from the outside, the heavy doors heaving themselves open. The walls of white lights from the inside momentarily blinded you, and your eyes squinted to adjust. Your nervously glanced at the tall soldiers around you before stepping inside. You shared a blank, hollow stare with the black visor of your guard before the doors slid to an eventual close. All outside noise of the hustling environment was locked away and you stood in silence, staring at the floor.

Your fingers wandered to gently fidget with the steel of your sabre, chewing on your lip as you pondered to yourself. You still couldn't believe it was yours, however, you did wonder if it once belonged to Kylo. It looked nothing like his three-bladed one, but it had its similarities. You unbuckled it from your belt, staring at the engravings which were now hard to read due to heavy-use. The paint threatened to rub off at your grip. You anxiously moved your touch away from the buttons situated on the side of the halt, not wanting to injure yourself before training even started. You had little time to ponder on that, however, as the elevator came to a slow stop. 

A stretching landscape of deep crimson unfolded before your eyes, causing them to slightly widen. Every inch of drapery in the room was hand-sewn perfectly with First Order symbolism, and the large, black metal bridge extended in front of you, white lights dimly lighting the way at either side. You nervously took steps forward. You silently admired the ebony-coloured structures that were clouded in darkness. The metal structures suspended from the roof towered over you, making you feel smaller with every passing second. You halted suddenly at the foot of the intricate and iron throne before you. Carved and built to excellency, you felt strange being able to see it in person. However, it was strangely empty. You began to wonder if Kylo Ren was even here.

"Hello."

The low voice broke the silence and admittedly made you jump, fingers trembling. You looked over at the corner of the tall throne from which Kylo was emerging and sighed quietly. You licked your lips.

"You scared me," you murmured. You took a few cautioned steps backwards as he came closer, which made him squint in confusion.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he assured coldly. "Not willingly, at least. I'm here to train you."

You stayed quiet. You were quite clearly confused and lost on what you were here for. Kylo seemed to read that from you, although you weren't sure if it was from your face or your mind. He cleared his throat and momentarily rocked on his heels, a gesture you thought was quite funny because you hadn't seem him show an ounce of vulnerability since you got here.

"The only way to truly begin this process," he drawled slowly, his hand edging ever closer to his lightsaber. "Is for you to stop your hesitation. Your uncertainty. It will hold you back if you don't destroy it."

Your eyelids flickered as you grew defensive. You knowingly eyed his movements, attempting to distance yourself so his rage of your incompetence didn't have devastating effects.

"You have rage inside of you, I know you do. I can sense it. It's overpowering, in a sense. Hidden well, though. I'll give you that."

Your jaw clenched tightly as you felt him picking apart at your mind, filing through each individual memory in your brain. You knew what he was looking for - something which caused you only grief, hurt and frustration. The memory of Amahtupe was lingering, locked behind closed walls that you desperately kept shut, not letting him get to it so easily. You shook your head gently, eyes half-lidded.

"Get out of my head," you stated simply, yet you felt the anger lacing each word you said. His expression twisted into something indescribable and your head was relieved of the pressure.

"The Force is powerful - you just have to know how to use it. You have to fuel yourself from the inside; otherwise, it's pointless, don't you think? You have the ability to be passionate. You're untrained but you're a natural."

You avoided eye contact, unsure if you were to thank him for the strange compliment or forever stay on your guard. After moments of nothingness, that question was finally answered for you. Kylo instantly raised his saber up above his torso, the red plasma springing to life in seconds and crackling violently at you. In an instinctive move to stay alive, you grasped at your belt, pulling your own saber above you and letting it activate from its halt. Bright lines of crimson clashed instantly, the loud buzzing filling the entire empty hall. The pressure from the blade pushing down on yours made you break the bond, jumping backwards to avoid a blow. You focused on your footwork, shuffling from side-to-side anxiously.

You adjusted your mind, mimicking the way you would ever so slowly move backwards when on the farm, attempting to lure fathiers closer before you branded them. As Kylo advanced, you thrusted forward, the ruby-hued sparks flying back at you, making you squeeze your eyes closed. You gripped the halt tightly with both hands, forcing yourself forward violently. Kylo's eyes widened momentarily as he struggled to retain balance, and you felt a strange feeling of satisfaction raise up in your body at that moment. You both continued clashing together, no clear winner or end-game in sight for a while.

You saw an opening to his neck, the tip of your lightsaber shaking as you raised it up. Your breath caught in your throat, panic washing over you as your entire body froze. Your saber lowered suddenly, clearly surrendering, but Kylo didn't show you the same mercy.

A sudden pain ravaged the side of your cheek and across your chest as the tip of his saber came down across them, grazing the skin violently. The front of your breast burned violently and your legs grew weak at the new sensation, causing you to fall to your knees. You clasped your palms over your face, clearly not impaled but definitely injured as you watched the hot blood ooze from the gash. The fancy material of your clothing had now fizzed away, leading you to clutch desperately at your pained body. You stared up at your attacker, your eyes brimming with warm tears as you looked for some form of remorse.

You saw a brief flicker of it, momentarily, before he stared off into the distance of the throne room, swallowing his regret.

"You hesitated," he stated blankly. "It's already your biggest weakness."

You were ready to stand up, to cuss him out and drive your weapon right through his stomach, but you could do nothing but sit in shame. The pain already reached your neck, closing it to close up and brush against your gag reflex. You dipped your head down and gasped slightly, attempting to inhale as much air as you could. Kylo gnawed the inside of his cheek as he looked down at you with a mixture of regret and disgust.

"I'll get someone to take you to the medical bay," he said. "This is only the first of many lessons. Don't get comfortable, don't grow weak."

The rest of the night was blurry. You remember watching him leave, his dark towering figure disappearing into the red dark. You were escorted by droids, what kind you still weren't sure. You felt your vision dipping slightly, in and out, only seeing raw snippets of the hallway as you were hurried to the medical bay. You could remember the immense feeling of satisfaction as you lay on the strangely soft bed of the room, the lights dimmed and the sheets clean. You fell asleep to the sound of droids rushing around the room intently.

* * *

It only took two days to recover, due to the advanced technology of the drones. You had awoken from your 48-hour slumber in your personal quarters, far larger than the previous one. The colour scheme was the same, all darkened blacks and greys. However, the bed spread out farther than anything you had ever slept on before, and the metallic cabinet provided a perfect sleeping place for Valor. However, the small rodent seemed very set on sleeping on your stomach above the blankets, wishing to comfort you in any form possible. Although, being bed-bound so long did give you some time to think.

You had come to the realisation of your weaknesses - Kylo had pointed them out so blatantly, but your parents had done the same your entire childhood. You thought about others too much, it seemed, for a lifestyle like this. Call it too naive or too compassionate, you knew you wouldn't survive if this is how you continued. This made you sigh and force yourself from bed.

You stared into the mirror, fingers dragging against your cheek and skin. You thumbed your scars, sadness filling your heart as you realised it would take multiple months for these to fade. You were unsure if your chest scar would ever fade, as that's where it was the deepest. It still looked quite red raw, so you avoided touching it too much. The future was uncertain, but one thing you knew for sure is that you would starve if you didn't leave this place. You had passed a small eating area on your first day on-board the Supremacy, so you decided it would be for the best to go looking for it.

Thankfully, as it was mid-day, most of the First Order employees were at their regular stations and not wandering the halls. This gave you free reign to not be stared at by gawking crowds for once. Those who you did pass would awkwardly avoid eye-contact, not wishing to stare at your scar, which you could be a little bit thankful for. You cleared your throat nervously as you stepped into an elevator, hands clasped infront of you. You only moved to the side when the door sprung open on the next floor, and General Hux made an appearance.

He looked you up and down once before standing next to you, saying nothing for the first few seconds.

"It's only been a week and he's already injured you," he mockingly scorned, his voice dipping into a growl. "Proof of how immature and hot-headed he really is, don't you think?"

"It was my fault," you defended Kylo quickly, although you weren't sure why. "There's no need to speak bad of him."

"If there's one thing I know, it's that Ren is impulsive. He doesn't respect anything - he doesn't care about destroying his _property_."

That comment made you tense up, your cheeks flaming hotter as Hux disappeared from the lift with the same pompous attitude he entered with. And so, you stayed, paralysed with humiliation, as you stared at the chrome floor. Your kindness was weakness, and the Supreme Leader took full advantage.


	7. Who You Became.

Your body hit the cold metal beneath you, cushioned only by your robes. You were winded, squeezing your eyes shut and rolling over multiple times to avoid impalement. The skin on your fingers pressed against the floor, your limbs were dragged up as you hopped to a stand once more. Both palms grasped against your lightsaber desperately before a clash emitted and almost deafened your ear drums. No matter how many times it happened, you never got used to that noise.

Kylo advanced suddenly, his weapon pressed firmly against yours, pushing you deeper into a corner of the throne room. Your breath and heart rate picked up as you felt your spine press against the wall, your legs planted firmly so you didn't slip. Your eyes darted desperately around the room, locking your gaze on a scrap piece of metal discarded carelessly.

The power struggle began to advance further as you extended an arm to the side and quickly whipped the metal in the direction of Kylo's body, your mind racing and hoping it impacted him.

He took a large step back, releasing you from the corner you had been huddled into, and raised his own hand to stop the metal in its tracks, his steely gaze staring right at it for a few seconds before dropping it lifelessly on the floor. Kylo turned his head back to look at you, his brow raised slightly as you clutched one of your arms that had been impacted greatly by your previous fall. Your shoulders heaved, sweat dripped from your brow as you both locked eyes.

"It doesn't work anymore," you told him coyly as he attempted to wriggle his way into your mind and pick through your thoughts. Admittedly, it was hard to keep him out when you felt so exhausted, but you were using ever ounce of your newly-found powers to do so.

He replied with a slight huff and turned around to go sit elsewhere. You watched him with a paranoid eye whilst he tossed his lightsaber to the floor and sat at one of the slightly raised black platforms on the floor.

"You have improved," he stated blankly, almost as if he didn't want to admit it. "It certainly has been a long month for you, hm?"

The rhetorical question swam in your mind, as it definitely had. Waking up every morning before the sun would have even risen, and being dragged here, half-asleep and unwilling to fight. Your knuckles were constantly scuffed from the roughness of Kylo's teachings, your knees were in a similar state. You shuddered at the thought of the hours on end where he attempted to teach you how to free yourself from a choke hold, his invisible fingers wrapped tightly around your neck as he stood nonchalantly at a distance. The worst memory was still etched fresh in your mind - the day he had restrained you and raked through your brain over and over, your only mission was to stop him. Your brain almost shut down every time but you had still managed to protect the most well-kept secret in your mind - Amahtupe.

Your heart had been hardened over the past few weeks in order to make room for these powers. In order to protect yourself from your mentor who put you on the edge most days. However, there were days that were slightly different, and it had pushed you to become very curious about the Supreme Leader and his past seemingly shrouded in darkness.

Approximately two weeks into training, you had sat in your bed restlessly. Your eyes were glued onto the endless ceiling. You were listening to the whirring of machinery outside of your door and the footsteps of soldiers cascading past. Your fingers tracing your skin over and over, your mind buzzing with information. So of course it was jarring for silence to become upon your room so suddenly. You knew this type of silence, you sensed its familiarity as you sat up in bed.

"It's you again," you stated, your neck resting against the headboard of your bed. You wrinkled your nose slightly.

"Shouldn't you be asleep?" He inquired.

"I could say the same about you," you murmured back, eyes fluttering closed momentarily.

"I suppose it doesn't matter, as you continue to pull yourself into my dreams anyway," Kylo huffed in a bitter tone, reminding you almost of a child. It made you laugh. To that he responded, "Don't laugh. I haven't gotten a decent sleep in weeks."

You rolled your eyes. "Neither have I. You're not the only one suffering." You cleared your throat and straightened your back. "Plus, the dreams aren't exactly exciting. I don't know where half of the locations even are, especially that temple pla--"

"That's for the best," he harshly cut you off. "You don't know much about me and I intend to keep it that way."

"You're right, you're right," you waved your hand around slightly. "I have so many questions I want to ask, obviously."

Sarcasm dripped from every word and you could feel Kylo's annoyance radiating.

"The most aching question is probably why you don't wear the mask anymore? I mean, it was such a good look for you."

You felt a ghost of a grin stretch over your face, and Kylo's embarrassment burst through the atmosphere, before he spoke quickly again.

"Goodnight."

He had cut you off, and the machines had gone back to whirring again. You were surprised he didn't yell or threaten to punish you - you supposed you were both too tired to get into any sort of altercation. The next morning, it was the same routine as usual, as you trained as if nothing had happened.

That had happened a few times on the off-occasion, and it was the only thing preventing you from having utter discontent for the Supreme Leader, because it was a gentle reminder that he was human. A strange, guarded human but human nonetheless.

You clung to that for a while, and outside of training, sometimes you both had the odd conversation. It was nothing of any importance before Kylo stopped at your quarters, told you goodnight and began his way to wherever he was headed.

Your relationship was neutral. But you felt yourself becoming attached to him. You didn't admit this, however, it was a clear sign of weakness and Kylo would brush you off at any sign of affection. You assumed.

"Are you ready?" Kylo asked, and it brought your mind back to the throne room. You stared into his eyes for a second. Cluelessness dawned upon you.

"Ready for what, sir?" You asked dumbly.

"A mission," he said as he stood to his full height again, towering over you. "We've managed to locate one of the Resistance's ally planets. The Resistance isn't there currently, but, it's best to cut off all of their resources while we can."

You stood still in silence for a moment.

"I think I'll be ready," you confirmed but then paused. "Are there civilians on the planet?"

"That doesn't concern you. We already had a lesson on your hesitation, remember? There is one objective, the extra information is of no importance. The only thing you have to do is reach the goal. Understood?"

You silently agreed, but uncertainty settled in your stomach.

Kylo was headed for the door, gesturing for you to follow, and you did so. He opened the steel doors with his palm and continued to discuss the mission, your brain swimming with guilt and some sense of determination to prove yourself.

"The planet is a snowy terrain - remember what I taught you about those. There is a large building at the centre of the town, which towers above the others. It holds the majority of exports and supplies, most of which are given to the Resistance. Our objective is to destroy the building and ultimately kill as many Rebel soldiers as possible. Thwart the progression of the Resistance. And stick by me."

You nodded along with him. The plan seemed simple enough in theory. However, everything may go awry if the soldiers were prepared for their appearance.

Worry plagued your mind as you both halted at your door, inserting your key card and slipping inside. However, before you could close the door back over again, Kylo took a stride forward and gripped your forearm tightly. A rush of confusion and a hint of fear consumed you as you looked into his eyes, bewildered.

"You're going to do well," he stated firmly. "I've trained you and.. you've taken to it greatly. Not many people could do what you've done. Sometimes.."

He swallowed, took a paranoid glance around the hall and continued, "Sometimes I wonder if even I'd be able to withstand what I put you through, so."

He ran his tongue across his top row of teeth, staring at the floor and giving a stiff shrug. "Thank you."

He released your arm and disappeared down the hallway without an other word. The entire interaction shocked you, and you stood stunned in the doorway for several minutes before closing the steel slates back over again. A heavy sigh escaped your lips.

You were soon sitting on the edge of your bed, staring into the distance of your room, hand massaging your opposite arm. You didn't know what to think about Kylo after he said that to you. He showed you a sort of cold affection and although it may not seem like much to others (actually, you'd think that others may even find it rude) it was a pleasant, warming surprise for you.

You had previously kicked yourself for attempting to change his demeanour from sour to.. well, less sour. You had thought yourself a fool for trying to drastically change the way he thought about you, as you believed he didn't care for you in the slightest. He viewed you as an aid to end the Resistance - that was all.

However, this night had proven that he may think higher of you than that.

You rolled over in your blankets, hugging a pillow closer to your chest. Valor peered at you from his position at your feet, before cautiously approaching and sniffing at your face. You laughed weakly, raking your fingers through his thick fur. He purred lowly at the contact and settled down next to you.

Your mind still spun and you wanted to stay up, picking apart every word he spoke to you, but you knew you had to sleep. Both because you'd probably be forced to speak to each other tonight if you didn't, and also because your first mission in the morning needed your full attention.

* * *

 

You stood beside his tall figure, huddling closer to him as the ship doors slowly opened. The landscape folded out in front of you and your gloved hands balled into fists.

The town looked homely and familiar, with multiple small houses all littered about, a stone well in the centre of town pulling the surrounding homes together. The paths were clearly icy and untouched, and your eyelashes fluttered as you adjusted your eyes to the orange glow of the sun - something you hadn't seen in so long. The structures and buildings grew in size the further the ship went on, and everything was coated in the same shade of soft ivory snow. Your eyes dragged over each building until they angled in on the tower that Kylo had talked about. It was tall, reaching up into the misty white sky and becoming foggy around the top floors. The building's original colours of black only peaked through now as the snow blanketed over it, instantly painting the darkness.

You looked over yourself and at Kylo. You were bundled thickly in Winter clothing to push the cold out, the grips on your boots sticking to the metal flooring. The black laces on the boots material crawled all the way past your ankle to below your knee. Your hot breath stuck to the material of your scarf which lingered close to your mouth. You seemed to be a bit more prepped than Kylo was, as he wore his usual attire, give or take his thicker boots and black hood.

You watched as Kylo stared at his hands, slowly squeezing them into fists and then releasing them, his face full of concentration. It gave you a sense of comfort that you weren't the only one shaking with nerves, and that your mentor felt the same, even if he would never admit it to you.

When the ship settled into the snowy floor, a sudden gust of bitter air instantly hit you. You hadn't felt something so cold since you had been on Blucotune. The skin beneath your layers of clothing still prickled, most likely due to fear.

You marched along beside Kylo, and surrounded by soldiers, all blurring and blending into the bright backdrop of this planet. The townspeople stood at their doors and stared you all down with obvious disgust, but Kylo didn't seem to take any notice of it whatsoever. His eyes angled in on the highest authority figure in the city and went straight to them, threatening confidence oozing from his voice.

You merely stood by him, not speaking a word, but being looked down at by the opposition, and being stared at in fear by small children. Guilt swelled in your heart as you drew the similarities between this town and your own.

"Either you give us the supplies from this tower, or it will be taken from you," Kylo hissed at the officer before him, his hand gesturing to the structure towering over everyone.

"I refuse to be threatened into submission," the other shot back, the heel of her hand already resting on a blaster by her waist. You stared at it with a paranoid gaze.

"Seize the tower."

Those three words triggered the fast-motion battle plan to spring into action. Your entire body instantly tensed and you looked at Kylo for instant guidance. He only walked towards the tower. You followed, being shielded from blasters and incoming attacks by the Stormtroopers who were willing to die for the First Order. You hastily unclasped the lightsaber at your waist when you both walked inside, unable to shake the sickness from your stomach but yet attempting to suppress it.

The entire tower was littered with employees and guards, all opening fire upon you as soon as you forced the doors open. Instinctual fear hit you and the sound of firing blasters filled your ear drums, assaulting your mind with noise. The plasma from your saber emerged quickly which caused Kylo to look at you with a concerned expression at how terrified you seemed to be.

"I need to destroy the power supply panel," he muttered to you, leaning down into your ear.

You both hurried along the wide-stretch, grey hallway, becoming more and more vulnerable to attack every step you went. However, as time pressed on, you found yourself becoming more stable to the situation around you, which served as an odd, cold comfort.

You stood at the wide, open door of the control room as Kylo disappeared inside, working as a guard of sorts. You heard the distant rumble of people thundering up the stairwells to get to this section of the tower - you knew you'd be surrounded soon. Your arms trembled slightly, your palms gripping ever tighter on your weapon as the first signs of a fight came your way. There was still a decent amount of Stormtroopers, but not enough to keep them all at bay. As they came threateningly closer to Kylo's location, your eyes locked in on a nearby steel beam, and although doubt initially clouded your mind, you knew there was no room for hesitating, or you would end up dead.

It took a lot of control, and the utmost of concentration, to haul the steel beam across the hallway, but you did it. With the powers of the Force, which you had only sloppily mastered, the hunk of metal flew into the cluster of rebels, either crushing their limbs or blocking their advance for a few more minutes. Rubble crumbled from the ceiling, where the beam once was, and the horrified shrieks that emerged in every direction didn't seem to register with your mind.

With every wave of attack, you and the soldiers seemed to combat it well enough. Although you felt a painful twinge of heat prick your shoulder, or your leg every so often, it wasn't enough to keep you from fighting back. Your saber deflected multiple shots, you swung at others and whenever you drove your weapon through someone's body, you couldn't stop to think about the deed you had just done.

However, when a small child emerged from the rubble of the beam attack, you froze slightly. His face was decorated with ash, his hair was long and messy, coated with rubble, and his knees were scraped violently. His eyes seemed wet and bloodshot, and your heart hardened up.

"Stop!" You managed to get out hoarsely, approaching a nearby soldier and pushing his blaster down from aiming position. Rippling waves of guilt and disgust washed over you all at once, causing your head to throb.

Kylo emerged from behind you, the room he entered now destroyed, and the tower becoming more and more unstable with every passing moment. He looked at you, bewildered, then back at the child standing wide-eyed in front of all the soldiers. A war of conflict battled behind his eyes at that very moment, as he saw your pained expression etched, and the ideals he wanted to fulfil so badly battle in his head.

"Cease fire on the tower," Kylo let out loudly, addressing all of the Stormtroopers who were staring at him now. He paused. "We got what we wanted."

With those words, all the soldiers clad in white began their departure, but the child was already running full-speed down the steps.

Kylo left with the same confident stride that he entered with, but your body was tired. The wounds that you had gained ached numbly. Your mind replayed the deaths you had caused over and over again - the way you got so caught up in the moment that you lost all sense of humanity. You became a different person.

You left the building, and many nearby establishments were up in flames. The townspeople stared at you all with a horrified expression. The young boy you had spared in the tower stared from behind his mother's solid grip, not at any soldier, General or Supreme Leader, but right at you. His haunted eyes looked right through you, as if you were nothing. It made your skin crawl.

Yourself and Kylo were the last people to bundle into the ship, the large iron doors closing over after you. You instantly turned back around to stare aimlessly out of a nearby window, watching the city crumble as you ascended. The tower broke apart and fell to pieces in the centre of town. That was the last thing you saw before Kylo touched your shoulder, violently pulling you back into reality.

"You're hurt," he said, some form of worry coating his tone, which was foreign-sounding when it came from him. "The blasters reached you a few times. You should get to the medical bay."

You felt woozy as you nodded, your feet threatening to slip out from under you as were escorted quickly to the other side of the ship. Yet, with every step of the way, your mind was not thinking about the wounds you had gained from blasters, or from scuffles with rebels. It hyper-focused on what you had done. Who you became. You wondered of the moral lines you had crossed, and as you sat in the medical bay, surrounded by drones, you decided that even they felt more compassion than you did that day.


	8. Serenading Sounds Of War.

You woke up with aching eyes. You had rubbed your eyes raw to dry them during the night again. Your nightmares seemed to be causing a lot of unpredictable issues.

You sat up in bed, staring into the distance at nothing in particular, just a cabinet in your room. The atmosphere outside of your blankets was eerily cold, making you huff and shiver, eyes darting around. Valor was curled up on the bedside table, his stomach falling and rising slowly. He was seemingly undisturbed by your thrashing about in the night. You guessed he had become used to it the past three weeks. However, last night's nightmare seemed different than the others.

It featured Kylo - which was a strange sight, considering the fact that you hadn't seen him since the mission. You were sticking to personal training, to clear your head, and mostly avoid your responsibilities.

You hoped that nightmare didn't also worm its way into Kylo's head last night. The thought made your heart drop. It was strangely personal - set on Blucotune. Usually, your dreams that were shrouded with darkness and had the Supreme Leader masquerading around were plucked directly from Kylo's memories, instead of your own. Not this time.

You were standing, silently, in a far-off field on your family's farm. Valor wasn't anywhere to be seen, never mind any war beasts that you may have been riding. You were staring off into the distance, into the wide stretch land of nothing that was used as the weapons testing area. You had no idea what your eyes were searching for, amongst the rubble and discarded artillery shells strewn in the dirt. Your eyelids flickered and stopped, halting on the black figure sitting amongst the scraps, helmet by his side, his back to you. It was Kylo, you knew instantly, and you decided upon walking over to him, and actually attempting to make some conversation during the dream.

Someone grabbed your arm from behind and pulled you around, with a little laugh. You jumped in surprise, eyes widening as you stared at her. Amahtupe.

"What are you looking at?" She queried, staring off into the distance as you were just moments before.

"I was just..." You grew speechless at the sight of your old friend, and even more so at the fact that Kylo was no longer sitting in the dirt.  
"Well, come on, let's go," she was striding back over the field, her hand curled around your slightly trembling wrist. "Or else they'll leave without us."

"What..?" You managed to choke out.

Amahtupe looked puzzled, as if you were stupid, before pointing up to the large towering ship parked snugly in the grass. It was the rebel ship that took her away that night, you realised. The Resistance logo stared at you from the distance away. You let out an incredibly anxious laugh.

"I-I can't," you said as you jerked away. "I have to, uh... I have to.."

Your voice got away from you as you feverishly looked around for Kylo - for whatever reason. Amahtupe merely stared right through you. Just like the little boy did during your last mission.

Tears began to well up in your eyes, causing your dream to unravel before you and the awkward in-person thrashing and tossing and turning to start.

Your rude awakening didn't startle you as much due to the fact you were getting used to them. So, you pushed through and decided to get dressed instead of moping under the blankets.

For the past fortnight, amongst your personal training and night terrors, you had been consolidating with General Hux. Mostly about battle plans and tactics, which usually bored you, but he assured you that you had a good "grasp on landscapes" due to being a farmer's son. You shrugged off the slightly backhanded compliment. At this point, you just wanted to get rid of the rebellion. You were so tired and numb from the first mission, that you were ready to repress all emotions to simply end the entire Resistance and be able to retire home, never to set foot on a First Order ship again.

"Good morning," Hux droned at you as soon as you entered the control room, barely awake. You raised a hand slightly in greeting, half-lidded eyes scanning around the room.

"Morning, General," you responded in a slight mumble, walking up slowly beside him and looking at the multiple screens that were decorated with various maps in front of him. "Are we headed somewhere?"

He nodded, projecting a large blue hologram above you both, gesturing to it with one gloved hand. It showed a semi-large planet, boasting a large ocean.

"It's Stypso 6N3. A First Order colony," he explained, sitting in his nearby control chair. "The resources are extremely valuable to us, but it's predicted that rebels and bounty hunters are attempting to steal them from right under our noses."  
A grim expression spread across his face, nervously rubbing the tips of his thumb and index finger together. You stared at the hologram still.

"We're going to take a quick visit. To refuel and also to scare away any troublemakers. I expect you'll be able to handle anything that shows up to stop us from completing our goal? I'd ask Ren but he seems.. preoccupied."

His wry sneer appeared again, his eyes narrowing to the side-door, which lead in the direction of the Supreme Leader's quarters.

"Uh, yes, General," you assured him. However, you were curious on where Kylo had disappeared to for him to bother Hux so much. You rubbed the back of your neck nervously.

"Well," he stood and clicked his tongue. "I have.. other business to be attending to. We'll be landing shortly, so don't get too distracted by anything, hm?"

You nodded silently and watched him leave out of the bay doors.

You gazed absent-mindedly out of the large window before you, nervously fidgeting with your hands, eyeing the extremely distant planet that was coming up fast. You exhaled slowly. Nerves were taking over you over the thought of having to defend an entire ship without the help of Kylo.

But, right at that thought, you heard the unmistakable "woosh" of opening doors and the sound of boots. You spun around slowly, swallowing nervously as you saw Kylo take a seat where Hux once was. You shifted on your weight, he looked up, your eyes met and a moment was had between you both. It felt foreign to have him speak to you after weeks of minimal contact.

You've been avoiding me, his voice echoed in your mind as you turned to stare out of the glass pane again.

I assumed you were busy, you lied. I just decided to take the burden of training me away from you.

It's my job, he said curtly. I don't need you to pick and choose my duties for me.

You were about to mockingly laugh and shoot back with some witty, sarcastic remark that certainly would have gotten you in trouble, but instead, you withdrew your mind from the conversation. Your eyes widened a little and your knees buckled as you got a good view of the upcoming planet.

Coated beautifully in a variety of deep greens and cyan, the atmosphere basically screamed of a refreshing aura that pulled you in closer. The treetops were becoming larger each second you travelled - each individual leaf brushed against the metallic of the ship. The clumps of the bright trees swallowed the ship whole eventually as the pilots angled in for a landing, right beside a wide, sapphire-blue pool of water that shimmered with each sun ray that hit it through the branches. The native (and mostly small) animals all dashed from their stationed drinking places into nearby fruit bushes, their ears and tails vanishing from existence. You eyed the one and only man-made structure on this planet. A seemingly old building made from an ashy grey type of rock didn't tower too high above the treetops. An array of birds perched themselves on top of it, protecting the supplies that were inside - you assumed it to be blasters and fuel. The moss run awry across the entire building, and onto the cobblestone walkway that approached it.  
Upon seeing the entire bright landscape, the dread that had settled in your heart weeks ago was suddenly lifting. You had been standing in silence until you felt the slow impact of the ship landing.

"It's beautiful," you breathed out, barely audible to anyone besides yourself and Kylo who perked up at the sound of your voice, a strange expression spreading on his face.

He didn't say much; he merely stood up and began to walk to the exit. You, for once, eagerly followed on his coattails, peering around Stormtroopers to see the outside.

As soon as you stood outside of the ship, you were enveloped in humidity and warmth, making your skin feel as if it was glowing. Your eyelashes fluttered against your skin slightly as you smiled, a gentle sigh escaping your lips.

You reopened your eyes to glance at Kylo, but realised shortly that he was gone - already walking along the edge of the water pool, deep in thought. You looked around briefly at the crowds of soldiers and disinterested employees, not paying much attention, before deciding on catching up with Ren.

He huffed slightly as you approached, cocking an eyebrow. He turned to look down at you, his stare still steely. You laughed nervously, especially as you felt Valor wriggle around in your pocket, desperate to poke his snout out to the fresh air and look around the lush setting. Kylo cleared his throat.

"I was meaning to ask about the dream you had last night," he murmured, staring out into the water suddenly. Your heart began to pound in your chest as he brought that up.

"Uh, it was on... Blucotune."

"I know where it was," he assured you firmly. "Who was the twi'lek? I've never seen her in your memories before. You must have kept her well-hidden if this is the first time I've ever seen her."

You laughed and sat down on the grass slowly, picking up a smooth pebble and running your thumb over the surface. Kylo looked down at you, slightly bewildered.

"I don't like thinking about it," you said simply, Valor managing to slip from your pocket and dart to a nearby clump of fruit bushes. "We were friends when we were young. She ran away, to join the Resistance, and she left me behind. Nobody knew - I didn't tell anyone back home. They all think she was kidnapped. I didn't have the heart to say otherwise."

You skipped a rock over the waves and Kylo settled down beside you, arm resting on his propped-up knee as he absently stared into the distance.

"I like to keep things that happened in the past, well, in the past," you paused and looked at him. "I'm sure you understand a lot about that?"

Kylo swallowed hard, unable to say anything as he continued to squint into the distance. A stiff shrug came as a response moments afterwards. You laughed under your breath, lifting your arm slightly and jerking your wrist, causing multiple smooth pebbles to dart across the surface of the transparent lake, ripples coating the water.  
"That was.. impressive. You didn't even have to strain yourself."

"It's easier to do it in a place like this," you explained and leaned back on your palms, tilting your head slightly to stare at the treetops. "Everything just seems to.. fall into place."

The Supreme Leader seemed to have a moment of internal conflict, his fingers curling into the grass below him. His gaze was torn from the distance and instead angled into you, staring at your face as you continued to toss pebbles into the water. The way your entire body somehow relaxed in a place like this was foreign to him. The way you could just unbuckle and forget all of your training from the past two months. There was definitely something inside of you stopping you from becoming a fully-fledged, power-hungry First Order General. He understood the feeling.  
You turned and locked eyes with him, causing him to tear his stare away and stand. He continued to walk away, over long grass and under branches. You inhaled loudly, gathered Valor up in your hands (much to the creature's dismay) and followed him.

"Be careful," you assured quickly, shoving yourself between Kylo and a large clump of seemingly harmless bushes. He raised an eyebrow at you. "They're Red Waterlocks. Extremely poisonous. My uncle had a run-in with those at our farm once, and died weeks later."

He murmured a quick "oh", and hurried back, past the soldiers and onto the ship, leaving you standing by the water. It was there that you were planted until Hux emerged from the crowd, calling you over.

"General," you said in greeting upon arrival.

"Did Kylo discuss any battle tactics with you? Plans for destroying the rebellion?" He queried.

"Uh, no, he didn't," you stuttered nervously, palm resting on the halt of your saber that hung by your waist.

"Exactly. I wanted to confer about this. Come with me."

You followed the order and went with Hux into the ship, the Stormtroopers and technicians following close behind.

"What is this about, General?" You asked as you both travelled down the long, dark hallway to his office, with barely any other soul in sight.

He didn't say much, merely opening his door and gesturing for you to come in. That, you did, although reluctantly.

You walked in and sat in the chair opposite his desk. The office was decorated with black and red, and kept perfectly clean, with no clutter anywhere, besides the uncharacteristic pile of documents on his desk. You eyed them nervously. The doors shut as Hux entered, and you could hear him lock them, which put you slightly on-edge. The General waltzed over to his desk, leaning on the side of it, instead of sitting on his usual spot in his chair, decorated with control panels. You looked up at him with a confused gaze.

"I'm sure you've noticed that Ren has been ignoring his duties as Supreme Leader. Distracted. Weak leadership from all fronts, in my opinion."

You remained silent as he continued.

"And many others on this ship agree with me. The thing about Stormtroopers is that they need a good leader. Their whole purpose is to serve, don't you agree?"

"I, uh, suppose so, yes."

"And you need a leader too. Ren has done... something. He's brought your power out, I can see it. But neither of you know how to use it. I can show you what to do with it - we could do some.. remarkable things."

His hand reached out to trail a finger under your chin and across your jawline, his eyes seemingly full of infatuation, much to your discomfort. You shifted away.

"What are you implying, General?"

"We could simply just.. dispose of Ren. It's not like he has done much for our cause in months, anyway. The goal of defeating the rebels strays further every day and it's his fault. If we got rid of him, together we could take control. We could crush the rebellion, just like Snoke intended. I know how loyal you are to the First Order - I know you want to see it thrive, just like I do. We're both more equipped than he'll ever be. My brains, your.. power. We would be an unstoppable force. I already have an army on my side."

You stood, your head swimming.

"This is pure mutiny, General," you contested, a mixture of anger and fear rising in your chest.

He raised his gloved hand, mistaking your protests for concerns, a coy smile playing on his lips.

"Simply answering to the concerns of the people," he explained. "I can't simply let Ren keep on defying their purposes, misusing their resources and avoiding the true cause of the First Order, can I?"

You stood, shaking your head, muttering, "I don't know what to think of this, honestly. Overthrowing the most powerful person in the entire First Order, I--"

"You're just as powerful, don't you think?" He cut in.

You stared at him in disbelief before turning and heading for the door, having to strain yourself and use the force to open it from its locked position.

"Goodnight, General," was your final statement before rushing down the hallway you entered from.

You felt paranoia grow in your stomach the faster you walked, your boots emitting a terribly loud noise with each step you made. The halls were empty but it felt as if you were being watched from every angle - Hux's supposed army would most definitely kill you if they knew what you thought of his grand scheme. You were undoubtedly extremely against being caught in-between a power struggle - especially between General Hux and Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. You had managed to wrangle away from the stare of Ren for the past few weeks, but considering the fact that Hux now saw you as his possession, you knew that he wouldn't let go of you so easily.

You made a swift turn into your room, shaking Valor from your pocket and letting him hop onto the bed, concerned chirps emitting from him.

You manically paced your room, hands fidgeting and eyes darting around your room, your thoughts buzzing in your mind. You were at a loss of what to do. You felt so trapped inside of this ship - despite how large it was.

In a flurry of emotion, you swung open the closet doors, digging around for the bag you had brought there from Blucotune. You got on your knees, repacking every article of clothing you had, and the new First Order clothes you had been given. The small instrument, the carved wooden box, a spare blaster, and Valor all got tossed in your bag, which was then slung over your shoulder.

Your plan was to escape to the hangar bay, steal a ship and leave. It was a rough, mostly terrible plan, mostly due to the fact that you had never flown a ship before in your life, but you decided it was better than staying here and dying in a crossfire.

You paced away, leaving a ransacked room behind you, hopefully for good.

Nobody was in sight as you descended down the metallic steps, through cold empty rooms, and across lonely bridges. You heard the distant thump of marching Stormtroopers - which only furthered your fear that Hux had sent them after you, to subdue you and take you back. You'd rather die than let that happen.

At each turn, your lack of a key card or authorisation wasn't really an issue, as you forcefully cranked the doors open. It got tiring after the first five or so times, your body growing heavy, but you forced yourself onward.

You were only one more set of doors away from the hangar bay, but you stopped suddenly in your tracks.

Your freedom was in front of you, and the serenading sounds of war were behind you, but to your left were the quarters of Kylo Ren. And you knew you couldn't leave him here to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologise for such a long wait! exams for me have pretty much ended now, so expect more frequent updates after this one~ i appreciate everyone who is reading and everyone who waited this long for an update. tysm for your continued support <33


	9. The Familiar Noise of Home.

You burst into Kylo's room, yet exhausted after pulling his heavy metal doors apart. You were feverishly pacing the dark room, sweat emerging on your brow as you attempted to find your mentor. Everything was shrouded in darkness.

"Kylo!" You yelped out desperately into the nothingness.

The Supreme Leader emerged from another section of his quarters, the lights springing on, momentarily blinding you both. He seemed bewildered but after a moment of realisation, he seemed as if he had been waiting for this moment for a while. A groan emitted from Kylo's throat as he began dressing.

"We can just hold them off. Me and you," he mumbled under his breath as he pulled another article of clothing on. "I can think of a plan--"

"Kylo," you quickly cut him off, your anxiety running high. "We can't do anything. I'm burnt out, and frankly, we're outnumbered. Swallow your damn pride and we might be able to leave this place with our lives."

You could see it in his eyes again. The way his brain raced and his emotions battled with one another, unable to make a decision. Thankfully, he looked at you, and he gave a brief nod. He retrieved only a few possessions, but you weren't sure what they were, as you were too busy sprinting to the hangar bay.

As you stood in the hangar, surrounded by cold steel, your brain was buzzing. You were overwhelmed with options and pretty much clueless. You froze in place.

You felt your arm being jerked and your body was suddenly being pulled by Kylo, who was leading you both to a tall, dark ship. It had wings that expanded out, and strange shapes that protruded at every angle, making you feel woozy when you looked up at it. You could barely get into the doorway faster as the Stormtroopers were now marching into the hangar bay, Hux right behind them.

Blaster shots threatened to hit you as you squirmed desperately into the ship. You moved into the cockpit, but Kylo stayed back, deflecting each shot with his sabre as he closed the door over with a clunk.

You had eased yourself into the seat, hands grasping desperately at the controls, at multiple foreign buttons of all different hues. Right, right, it's just like riding a fathier. Or a war beast. Anything. Right! Your brain thought as you somehow managed to turn on the engine, hearing it hum to life beneath you.

You jerked around the control wheel, the ship rising slowly off of the ground. It was running slightly smoothly until your arm jerked, causing the ship to slam into a nearby wall, but thankfully not enough to damage it. The ship rumbled from the trauma. A bewildered Kylo shoved past you, knocking you from your seat.

"What are you doing?!"

"I.. I thought I could..."

You faded off, staring wide-eyed at the Supreme Leader as he began to rise the ship quickly from the spot, knocking a few Stormtroopers backwards. The hangar bay door was desperately attempting to be closed by Hux, who was fidgeting with a control panel beneath you. It wasn't enough, fortunately.

Kylo pushed the ship forward violently. You grasped for anything nearby to steady yourself as you sat in shock on the floor.

Soon, the ship was enveloped by darkness and stars. It felt foreign and scary. It wasn't much of a comfort that the ship was now hurdling at unimaginable speeds through the wide, open spaces beyond you. He tipped the ship on its side which made you desperately stand on your feet, leaning against the wall, clearly terrified.

"Make yourself useful and get on the gun," Kylo ordered, extremely intent on the route he was taking. "There's going to be fighters coming after us any minute now."

You clumsily stumbled down the cockpit and into the empty hall of the ship, your eyes scanning for the gun. You tilted your head upwards, realising it was mounted above you before groaning. You climbed up to the compartment, settling nervously into the leather seat below you, your knees still trembling. Your clammy hands grasped what you could only assume controlled the weapons you were supposed to use. You had never flown before in your life - you had never used anything like this before.

You let your eyes half-close for a moment, though. You let yourself pretend you were holding the reins of a warbeast that you were marching to the field. That maybe you were just mimicking what you saw your father do on early, Winter mornings when the sky was full of mist. When he took the only blaster you owned in the entire house and promptly did target-practise with the birds flying overhead. He was always a perfect shot, and that was because he never thought twice about what he was hitting.

You decided that adopting the same mentality would perhaps do you some favours.

It took what felt like forever to push back the enemy ships. Kylo didn't bother holding back with the way he tipped the ship over, turning you upside down, and tipping you to the side. It was a bit difficult to aim when you were dizzy, but in the end, shooting wildly seemed to do the trick. You were mid-way through another attack on one of the final fighter ships when Valor hopped into the gunning area with you, staring out of the window.

You couldn't really afford to be distracted by him, though.

You held on tightly to the nearby control panel as the ship suddenly propelled forward, deeper into space. The discarded metal from destroyed First Order ships were left in the distance as your palms grew sweaty and your head spun. Kylo said something from below you, but it only morphed into white noise.

You released yourself from the seat, your breath shallowing as you stumbled down the ladder, falling onto your back, grasping your shirt. From your upside-down view, you could see Kylo looking behind himself at you, calling your name with a concerned look.

However, you gave no reply as you promptly faded away, fainting on the floor in the middle of the ship.

***

When you woke up, your brain somehow convinced you that you were back on Blucotune. You lay on a small, cushioned area that felt like your old, deep red couch, and you were draped in the blanket you had plucked from your bed when you were packing, made from the fur of the native animals of your planet.

However, when you turned to your side, your eyes flickered open, gazing out a window into the depths of the galaxy, seeing nothing but stars.

You groaned and pulled yourself up, sitting on the edge of the single bed, much to the dismay of Valor. He was curled up between the folds of your blanket, staring at you sleepily. "Hey, buddy," you murmured quietly, scratching his chin.

You didn't realise how large this ship was. Length-wise, anyway. It had a sleek appearance with long, protruding wings, but it held multiple rooms inside. The one you woke up in wasn't exactly homely, but it didn't feel as vast and cold as those on the Dreadnought. A nice middle ground.

You pushed the blankets off yourself, only now realising that you were shirtless with nothing but a pair of shorts on. Your mind raced, slightly confused, then you realised Kylo must have carried you in here. But why the fuck did he undress you?

You stood groggily, digging around your nearby bag. You pulled out some of your old, Blucotune clothes. The First Order outfits you had packed looked far nicer, but you didn't really want any reminders of them at the moment. Considering the fact you had ultimately just betrayed them and convinced their Supreme Leader to do the same. The reality of that fact was only just dawning on you.

Your head hurt from the amount of thinking you were doing. You slipped out of the small room, emerging into the hallway. You could see the back of Kylo's head from there. He was still sitting in the pilot's seat, but his feet were up, resting against an empty surface next to the control panel. He seemed to be lost in thought, or perhaps worry, as he stared out the window. A pair of gold dice swung gently from the top control panel above his head.

"How long was I out?" You asked suddenly as you were stood right behind him.

He nearly jumped out of his skin, unaware that you had even left your room. You chuckled at this.

He regained his composure and took his legs from their resting position, obviously embarrassed.

"Nine or so hours," Kylo told you after clearing his throat. "You seemed... overwhelmed about the whole situation. I didn't want to wake you."

"Kind of you," you quipped. "Also kind of you to undress me."

"You vomited all over yourself when I picked you up," he shot back, not looking back at you as he steadied the ship. "You were barely conscious so I don't expect you to remember but I do. It was disgusting."

He wrinkled his nose in remembrance and you rolled your eyes.

"Maybe if you weren't so intense while controlling the ship. How could I not have vomited? You turned me upside-down at least four times!"

There was a moment of silence.

"But," you paused with a sigh. "Thank you."

Kylo turned around in his seat to look at you, taken back for a moment at the fact you were dressed in your usual farm get-up. He stubbornly shrugged, his shoulders rolling back as he avoided your gaze.

"I owe you my life."

"What?" You echoed.

"Hux was planning on killing me. He had the entire First Order behind him. I don't know how I didn't see it coming sooner, really," he breathed, sinking deeper into his seat. "But he offered you immense power and you turned him down. For what? I don't know your reasons, but... If you hadn't made that decision, I'd be dead. So, thank you. I owe you my life."

You stared blankly back at him. You were waiting for him to laugh, and yell "just kidding!" before spinning around in his chair and dumping you back on your measly home planet. But he didn't.

You both just stared at each other, as you were unable to find the words to respond with.

"Well," you finally mustered. You swallowed. "I would have never made it out here alive if I didn't have a great pilot like yourself."

Kylo gave out a small laugh at this comment, turning back around in his chair. He rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"You really didn't know what you were doing when you boarded this. Have you never flown a ship before?" He queried.

You leaned on the back of his seat, peering over his head at the multiple controls that were laid out before you both.

"No. Have you ever ridden a fathier before?"

"No," he said in a quiet tone, almost ashamed at the fact.

"Well, then I think we're equal."

You patted him on the shoulder and leaned back in the doorway, staring off into the distance as he did.

"So, where are we going?" You asked after minutes of nothingness. You stared at him as his gaze fell and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"I don't know," he slowly admitted. "Somewhere that isn't First Order territory, so we can refuel this ship. Maybe get a new one."

He let his mind wander with ideas but you yawned and stretched.

"Somewhere where I can get something to eat, maybe?" You asked, quirking your brow. "I haven't eaten in a day."

"Right," he said. "That's important too."

Valor came leaping out of your bedroom and down the hallway at you both, wriggling under your touch with his ears perked up. Kylo peered at him from the side of his gaze.

"I can't believe you smuggled him in," Kylo admitted, leaning down and offering a hand for Valor to sniff. "I thought I'd have noticed..."

Valor hesitantly accepted a quick scratch from Kylo before retreating back into your lap, and you chuckled softly as he did so.

"You really have tunnel vision sometimes," you murmured, patting Valor's back as he nestled into a slumber. "Only certain things matter to you at one time or another. Everything else goes fuzzy. At least from what I've noticed. One goal, one destination, one path. Unbending and unbreakable. You want to just... finish your target immediately. You disregard the people you have to crush to get there."

You were rambling, and the Supreme Leader had gone silent. You were quick to explain yourself more.

"But sometimes, I see you hesitate," you stated blankly. And you had. Ever since you met him. The conflict he always had. "And it reminds me that you're human. It probably sounds stupid, but... Watching you mentor me relentlessly, and watching my planet hail the First Order as salvation... It really makes me forget that you're human."

Silence blanketed the small space once more, making your cheeks burn red from embarrassment. It was probably from opening up to him - something that you only daydreamed about. You had turned all your inner monologuing into a reality. It made you happy; you could feel that beneath the layers of blush.

You shifted.

"I should probably, uh.. go. Unpack my things," you excused yourself quickly. All your items were still strewn on the floor of your temporary bedroom. "Unless you want to sleep? Then I can fly the ship."

He laughed a little at the suggestion, waving his hand lazily. The laugh was coated in some form of sadness that you couldn't quite pin.

"We both know that's an unrealistic situation. It'd probably be better for me to do it. So we don't crash."

You nodded in agreement and stood. You used the Force to slowly float Valor from your lap and instead put him on your shoulder. He didn't seem to shift from his slumber.

You exited back into the hallway, leaving a pondering Kylo Ren behind you. He was probably caught up in deep thought after all the things you had said to him. You weren't entirely sure if you regretted or not. You'd decide that in due time.

When you made the trip back down the short hallway, you became aware of the fact that there were limited rooms. It felt strange due to the fact that there were so many compartments in the Dreadnought. You peered inside one.

It opened into a control room, vast and metal with blinking lights. The next seemed to be a weapons storage, except it was absent of any weapons unless you counted the two discarded blasters on the floor. The final room before yours was locked. You were aware that prying was wrong, but curiosity gripped you and Kylo was distracted. You silently slid the door open with your power, peeking inside cautiously.

It was a small space, just a little smaller than your bedroom. It had pitch black walls and held only a single chair in its centre. It looked as if it was made for restraining people, due to the straps at its feet and armrests. You swallowed dryly as you noticed the leather stained with dark blood.

_"You probably shouldn't be in there,"_ a familiar voice rang in your head, making you jump.

You stepped outside of it immediately and closed the door with a thud. You looked at Kylo who still had his back to you, staring at nothing out the window.

_"Sorry,"_ you quipped back and re-entered your bedroom with a sigh.

Valor was already busying himself with making a nest in your sheets. You rolled your eyes, opening your bag and dumping its contents onto the floor. The Blucotune trinkets were scattered around. You neatly folded your clothes and eyed the small, four-stringed instrument that you forgot you had even taken with you.

You lost sight of unpacking as nostalgia hit you. You picked up the instrument and gave it a quick strum, ensuring it was tuned well. Even Valor's ears perked up from his slumbering state at the familiar noise of home.

You soon sat, cross-legged on the sheets, staring out of the window by your bed. Your fingers worked around the strings as you strummed them with your other hand, your throat humming a low tune. A folk song that had been sung in Blucotune for as long as you or even your parents could remember.

"These blue Winter fruits can feed us, so although we're torn apart, the taste of sickly sweetness, will live on in my heart."


End file.
